50 Things To Say During A Breakup
- We need to talk.
- Are you okay?
- So what does this mean?
- I’m so sorry.
- I’m just trying to do what’s right for both of us.
- I want my key back.
- I just need some time to think about things.
- I never meant to hurt you.
- Is this really what you want?
- This is hard for me, too.
- I hope we can still be friends.
- What am I going to tell [our friends/my parents/the kids]?
- There’s no one else, I swear.
- I’m just not ready to settle down.
- Where is this going?
- So it’s really over, then.
- I love you.
- I hate you.
- I can’t do this anymore.
- You’re going to make someone so happy someday.
- You’re making a huge mistake.
- Get out.
- What about [the shared pet/our impending vacation/the kids]?
- I knew it.
- I’m not in love with you anymore.
- Where is this coming from?
- I can’t believe this.
- You’re more like a [roommate/friend/sibling]
- I need to focus on my career.
- You’re not the person I fell in love with.
- All we do is fight.
- I wish I never met you.
- There’s someone else.
- Are you sure?
- I just need some space.
- It’s over, it has been for a while.
- I can’t even look at you anymore.
- It’s not me, it’s you.
- Its not you, it’s me.
- How could you do this to me?
- I think you’re an amazing person.
- Tell me you’re going to be okay.
- You deserve better than this.
- Don’t ever talk to me again.
- I just want things to go back to how they used to be.
- I never cheated on you.
- When can I pick up my stuff?
- Who is [he/she/it]?
- You broke my heart.
- This isn’t working.
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My hands were numb but I pushed the shortcut to my mom’s cell phone. No service at 30,000 feet. “Call me ASAP,” I wrote, and pushed send. Delivery Failure.
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When I was a kid, I dreamed of my mid-20s. Seriously, you remember those awkward moments of junior high, high school, and even college when you just thought, “Goddamnit, I wish I were a real adult,” right?
10. Make sure your lips are always chapped by constantly licking them and never applying chap stick.