Thought Catalog
April 18, 2017

I’m A Life Coach And I Don’t Change Anybody’s Life

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Morgan Stone Grether

I am a life coach.

I work with artists on how to be entrepreneurs and business owners. I work with people on how to break up with scarcity and manifest abundance. I work with established thriving capitalists on setting loving time management boundaries and working less. I work with people who have lost their reconnection to spirit and play how to live–actually live, again. I work with women in their 40’s getting out of divorces to open their hearts again. I work with men on becoming more connected with their hearts and emotions. I work with people to open up their voices, on and off paper, to overcome anxiety, risk and ultimately live their truths they already know they are ready for.

I have met and worked with 100’s of people.

There is this falsity in the coaching world I hear over and over again, that I want to address today—as a life coach, I don’t change anybody’s life.

Note: That doesn’t mean that my clients don’t have incredible breakthroughs and chameleon into a fucking unicorn—because they do. Bitch, I slay.

What I am saying is that “I” am not responsible for the change my clients choose.

Choose — which denotes choice, which is a key word.

Coaches are containers.

I can have a client show up on a call and do absolutely fucking nothing to change their life.

I am the plastic outside, and they are the ones building the sandwich to put inside of it.

They can sit through a 60-minute call, cross their arms, pick their noses, deny any suggestions or feedback and choose their suffering until they are blue in the face (this happens and it’s painful for everyone).

Or, somebody can show up not only ready but willing to choose change and have a break through and eat their dreams for breakfast the next morning.

One of my biggest philosophes I have created and prescribe to is that many of us have one foot in “ready” to change and one foot in “willing” to change.

Being “ready” to change means that I have the awareness of where I want to go and awareness of where I am currently choosing my suffering (what makes my unhappy), but I am ultimately not willing to make any changes.

Ready is “cool, I know why I am unhappy but I stubbornly still choose my suffering.”

“Willing” to change is, I am not only aware of where I want to go but I am also willing to be accountable and choose change, therefore I am choosing growth.

So many people are “ready” and not always “willing” in the self growth world.

The clients who radically change their lives have nothing to do with the containers, and everything to do with their willingness to execute the changes they know they need before they even hire a life coach.

They say, “I want the purple car.”

And I say, “Then go buy the purple car.”

And they then have a permission they weren’t willing to give themselves to do thing they have wanted all along.

I am not to thank for buying the purple car, they are.

I am part of the process but I am not the agent to the change—they are.

The misconception that I (at a time) would say, and that I hear other coaches claim is “I am changing people’s lives.”

What fucking EGO!

What bollocks!

If I tell somebody they will grow if they raise their left foot, they are the one who actually takes their foot off the ground—not me.

I remember sitting with a client after she had attended a workshop I hosted at a retreat and she seemed glum.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

“I thought you were going to save me.”

“Ah” I replied.

“No, you will save yourself.”

“I know” she replied.

This is why retreats advertised as “life changing transformation” get under my skin.

Retreats, seminars, events and coaches cannot change your life—you can show up, do the work and change your life.

You are accountable for letting go of the shit that is heavy and picking up what gives you joy.

I am a space to give you permission to do the things you already know you wish to.

I am a space to give you permission to set the boundaries you already lovingly long for and know are serving.

I am a space to give you permission to the change you’ve been ready for, for years.

But I am just the space—you are the one in the ring.

A strong space is of value, and I don’t want to discredit that I am incredible at the work that I do along with many other coaches—but I want to highlight with this article that a coach is just a space and a container, that’s it.

YOU are the facilitator of your world, your experiences, your change, and your non change.

So hire a life coach, go to a Tony Robbins event, attend Landmark, but going in, know that you can leave choosing your suffering and change nothing, or you can leave choosing change and have a break through and that breakthrough has nothing to do with me or any other facilitator and everything to do with your willingness to radically rock your own world. TC mark