This Might Make You Feel Better About Your Future

Like the famous singer/songwriter/organist John Mayer croons, “I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world, just pain and suffering and death.”

Truer words have never been spoken. As a recent graduate of a political science program that will help me find an excellent part-time gig in the retail industry, I’ve realized that living in America is very, very hard. It seems that all one can do is either keep going to school, get a sub-par job or die young.

If none of these options sound appealing to you, then you might be able to find a nice hideout in the Redwood Forest. But, as you know by watching the TLC show Risking It All (or more likely, MTV’s episode of True Life: Living Off The Grid), going off grid can have disastrous results especially if you’re taking your insufferable family members with you. Is there hope for our generation? Can we someday reinvent our nation to be a haven for labor-less prosperity and free-range chickens? I believe it’s possible—even if you don’t, mom and dad!

I get it. No amount of Internet articles about how millennials really aren’t all that bad can alleviate the impending doom of our future (unless there is an abundance of GIFs, which this article is lacking). But seriously, millennials aren’t all bad. I’m one myself, and I feel that we are mistakenly blamed for being whiny, technology-consumed brats. It’s not fair!

Although I do believe that technology is running society into the ground and that television isn’t what it used to be (who has the time to watch shows about people going off grid?) I don’t believe that it’s any one person’s fault, except maybe Thomas Edison. Damn you, Thomas Edison.

The moral of this story is: “Live fast, die young.” Or is it “live young, die fast?” I guess they both mean the same thing.