1) The One With Daddy Issues
Her dad wasn’t the best, to say the least. He was an ass. Thanks for messing it up for us, dude.
Before she opens up you’ll go to the moon and back twice. It might take her years to give you some—at least a few months.
She’ll wait until everything in the universe is aligned for this magic event to happen. You’ll think it’s going to be bomb, since she’s got to be holding a lot inside.
Nope. It’s going to be very conservative at best. Don’t even dream of her giving you some head. You’ll only get a missionary and a nipple.
She’ll be very attached after and you might screw her up a little more. You’ve got to be extremely careful and patient. She will drive you crazy if you have a short temper.
The only way you’ll bring out her inner bad girl is if your cousin’s name starts with an “L” and ends in “ucifer.”
Your best bet is to flirt with the baddest girls she’s ever seen in her life, make sure she sees it, and it might make her do everything a bad girl does.
Or you might destroy her even more (usual outcome) and have to start from scratch and wait another few months. You’re best to warm her up to the idea first or just put up with her timeframe. If you love her she might be just fine as is.
Just don’t expect her to be a match if you’re a walking alpha.
2) The Shallow One
You’re an accessory, like a high-tech purse for her.
She’ll smile a lot and you might even get some good sex but never that extra mile.
The only depth you’ll get looking in her eyes is the same a beached whale gets on a sunny day.
She’s always nice, but she’s never there for you totally. You’re always going to feel like you’re in control, but you really aren’t.
She looks at you like the best-looking ATM ever and the moment it gets rough, she’ll give you the most evil look you’ve ever seen as if it’s your fault you ran out of money or something today.
She’ll give you a look like she’s possessed and you’re a fake priest at best. It is a sign from God (if you believe in such things) or karma that you must run and take your winnings with you. You can’t keep playing.
It’s a set-up. You’re in a casino playing, but you just haven’t realized it yet until you sell your house to go on vacations and live the high life she made you think you can afford.
Your best bet is to play along and run once you’re done. If you don’t, she’ll leave you with half—if you have enough for her to marry you in the first place.
3) The Manipulative One
You’ll think she’s fallen in love with you. She’s amazing. She’s giving you the best sex ever. But after the first few nights, look for this clear sign of feeling somewhat extorted and her moving on super quick.
She always gives you the best sex ever and the best times you’ll ever have, but she means business and you have no idea what she really wants. You’ll do anything she wants.
She’s got you by the balls. You’re sitting in a corner and she’s playing you like a fool. It’s like she’s holding you by your manhood and threatening to cut it off.
You’ll buy her everything, you’ll give her your time and you’re the junkie looking for that coke fix. She’s a blast.
Once you’ve run out of stuff to give, she’s done extorting you for everything you had. That’s why you never knew what she wanted—she wanted it all.
You had an amazing time with her. You probably still love her and you probably agree you’re a sucker for it.
Now you’re standing all skinny and mentally drained with nothing more to give. You’re holding a fistful of cash and looking for a quickie. Strippers are your best friends. You just want to get laid; you don’t want someone dragging you by the balls.
If you survive and come back stronger, you’re a champ.
The only way to win her is to out-manipulate her. You’ll have her doing sex moves you didn’t know existed. She’s all yours. She thinks you’re the one for her since you basically won her. You’re the most alpha she’s ever seen.
She’s like an addict, the most loyal girlfriend you didn’t even know existed. It’s your bird and you’re a hunter.
But you’re still a fool playing with fire. The moment she’s back in charge, your nuts suddenly feel lighter. You somewhat forgot she’s the most manipulative girl you hoped you never met.
You better get back on your feet or get a nice girl while you’re still ahead.
4) The Overthinking One
Nothing ever is right. She can’t appreciate anything but the fact that she doesn’t appreciate things.
She’s got your life planned ahead for you and now you’re just doing your part. You’re sad but somewhat safe, it feels OK and you still brag you’re the alpha male to your buddies. But you really aren’t.
She’s pulling all the strings and you better do your job fulfilling things. There are 2 types. One type loves you, the other doesn’t.
One is good long-term, the other one will likely screw the gardener that you paid for some day in the house on which you pay the mortgage. Or that Cuban guy that suddenly is being too nice to you. You know she always liked guys from Cuba moving in the neighborhood a little more than the other immigrants.
The one that loves you might become the best wife ever for you. If she isn’t too stressful, it’s all right. Let her over-think it out. If she’s too invasive and you’re Howard Hughes it might be too hard to manage.
Not good for a non-serious dating but good for a serious relationship if you’re into safety. She might never even cheat on you, either.
My type? The bad, almost manipulative girls who did repent, but hasn’t really put too much mileage on. They’re like Ferraris with just a fair bit of mileage. Diamonds to me. You know she has a past; you never ask about it but love her for not hiding it.