It was in the middle of the night, I was bawling my eyes out as I look through those dusty windows in my room. Looking out and staring at the sky thinking to myself “What was I thinking? Why in the world did I hurt a girl that loved me for who I am”. Tired, upset, and downright confused. I struggled to get some decent sleep for a couple of months.
I spent 5 years with a woman that loved me well, but I didn’t appreciate nor acknowledged her in my life. Almost as if I was doing her a favor because she was with me. Eventually, I broke up with her. The worst thing I could do to a girl who loved me right?
Filled with regret, and rage mostly on myself. I had to live through it like she did. Eventually, she found another man, got married, had a kid. I, on the other hand, focused on my vocation, my work, and “purpose” in life. I teach, and serve in the church, and believe that personally, I’ve grown up, maybe not as much as I want to but still had a sense of change in my own life.
It’s been 6 years, of God healing, and showing me who I am in Him. At the same time, finding out what He has in store for me. And to tell you the truth 2 years into this time of being single really was more on God healing me from within after the rest of this 6 year period has gone from good to great. I have enjoyed and learned so much from this time.
And after all this time, I think I want to have a relationship again with someone, I think I maybe ready to fall in love again. But as a long-term single, there are some things I’ve found that is a struggle for me, that as I’ve talked to some long term singles, have been some struggles for them too, let me share these 5 things to you when you’re trying to date someone again:
1. It’s intensely emotional.
If you’re trying to take a girl out again, and if you’re trying to talk to someone again, there will be emotions that you’ve not felt in a long time. There will be things so cheesy that you will say that would either make you barf or pass on some butterflies. Either way, this will shock you initially, which leads me to number 2
2. You will overthink.
Being a long term single person that is satisfied with who and what they are is amazing, but trying to know someone again can be pretty draining, especially when you overthink every single thing you do, from text messages to phone calls, emojis, and gestures let the overthink flood have its field day!
3. You will be scared.
You may have not noticed it, (because I know I haven’t) but you’ve built some pretty high walls as you’ve been single over the years. You’ve been as John Mayer puts it “Perfectly Lonely” – but being alone doesn’t scare you. Rather it’s your place of comfort, and there will be fear because you might lose the comfort you built. And for some of us, we’re more scared to lose what we have already and that’s why…
4. It will be long.
You’re not ready to jump in. Until you know, you know in your gut that this one is the right one. That deep inside you, you know this person is the right one. You’ll talk, ask questions, compare your expectations with who he or she is. Because you’re willing to accept but not willing to compromise. So you will take the time to get to know this person. Because..
5. You’re not looking for a short-term relationship…
But for a person, you will marry – yes, the pain will do that. Time will teach you that, God’s presence will keep you there. That being single is a thousand times better than loving the wrong person. And that shows your value, and worth.
I’m single, I’m trying really I am. I don’t know what to do half of the time, but the question will remain. Am I willing to look stupid, silly, and be readily embarrassed to go after her? Because at the end of the day, as a dude is she worth it? Or ladies, is he worth your yes? That’s the risk, and what an adventure it is.