Nice guys finish last.
I’m single because I’m a nice guy.
Girls don’t like nice guys.
(And other cliché remarks about girls only liking jerks.)
Is this whole “nice guys finish last” thing an excuse for sad single guys who can’t get girls or is it true? Do women only want jerks who treat them poorly?
While scrolling through Facebook one night I came across a post that said, “The reason I’m single is because I treat girls nicely.” My first thoughts were along the lines of, “Of course blame girls for the reason you’re single, you entitled dick. Don’t blame yourself at all. You have a good quality, you’re ‘too nice’, and it must be so agonizing for you. What a shame? You should be entitled to any girl you want because, I mean, you earned it, you’re ‘nice.’”
I will add that I am an angry single girl and this is just my reaction to a guy that tells me “girls only like jerks.”
Instead of letting these thoughts completely consume me, I decided to think about the label “nice guy” and what it really means.
Let me first introduce you to a disease striking the nation, the “nice guy disease.” This is the idea that “nice guys” are undesirable to women. The disease doesn’t only affect men. Women can contract it as well. I’ve heard many women declare, “I only like assholes” or, “He was just too nice for me.” I can’t yell at men exclusively for feeling defeated. The “nice guy disease” continues to spread because of women who instill these notions. Women, for the most part, do not enjoy being abused, so why do they keep proclaiming their love for abusive jerks?
It’s true; some girls say that they like “bad boys.” Girls go crazy for a James Dean type guy, “a rebel without a cause.” Why? Because “bad boys” are exciting and unpredictable. They’re confident and they take what they want. The traits of a “bad boy” are desirable to a lot of women. Women believe dating a “bad boy” can be thrilling and dangerous. Sometimes women are attracted to a “bad boy” because they believe they can change him, keep all the hot qualities of a “bad boy” and add the nice qualities they desire, like being treated with respect. As Taylor Swift said, “I can make a bad guy good for a weekend.” Taming a bad boy can be an ultimate accomplishment lamented by girls everywhere. This, one, rarely occurs and, two, doesn’t sound like the makeup of a healthy and mature relationship.
So does this mean the opposite of the “bad boy” is the “nice guy?” “Nice guys” have been described as boring and not willing to take risks. They’re weak, dweeby guys, who are predictable and often get taken advantage of. “Nice guy” doesn’t seem to mean the same thing as a guy who is nice. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the word nice means “kind, polite and friendly.” According to Yourdictionary.com, nice-guy means “An inoffensive adult male who desires romantic companionship but who is too bland and uninspiring to be attractive.” If “nice guys” are described as guys who are “too bland” and lack any personality, then I guess they do, based on that definition, finish last. Complying to a woman’s every demand and being completely agreeable seems desirable on paper, but it just doesn’t work in the real world with an actual real life woman.
Declaring over and over again that you are a “nice guy” who “finishes last” will never end well. The label doesn’t mean the guy is kind or polite it means he is bland and submissive.
The “nice guy” isn’t really nice.
The “nice guy” feels as if they are entitled to a woman’s attraction because they’re being completely passive and tailoring themselves to a specific woman’s liking. Instead of being the “nice guy” strive to be the guy who is nice.
Women, who are mature and desire a long-term commitment, are attracted to respectful and secure men.