Thought Catalog
February 19, 2017

Here’s Why Only Children Have The Hardest Time Falling In Love

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What is the issue?
Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

Let’s just face it; we’re used to being on our own. We’re used to our own room, our own space. Sure we may have been mollycoddled as a child and overprotected as a teenager but when it comes down to it, our independence is what sets us apart from the rest of you all with your brothers and sisters by your sides.

When you’re an only child you grow up kind of in your own world, and though this may lead people to think your spoiled sometimes it can be the complete opposite. For me, being an only child meant making a lot of decisions on my own and facing a lot of trials without any advice from older sisters or little ways to do your basic things. Of course your parents will love and adore you but there are some things (more practical things) like what to wear on your first date or how to text “him” back that only an older sister can help with. Not having any leads us to figure it out ourselves and then because we’ve spent so much of our lives making our own decisions, taking our own risks, it’s very hard for us to let in someone who might have an opinion on those.

For an only child, it’s harder to love because we are so used to our independence.

We are very unwilling to let it go, we don’t want to let it go. It’s our skin, it’s how we define ourselves and how can we suddenly cope with losing our identity? Our identity of being the girl or boy who can do it all on their own. For us, the thought of relying on someone else sounds weak and childish. Of course it is not and as we grow older we recognize that loving someone is not a weakness, loving and trusting someone wholly is the bravest thing any human can do because in that trust and love we give them the capability to shatter us, to break our hearts and leave them in pieces. And that is something everyone is afraid of, not just only children.

Us only children I’ve found also have this tendency to form lasting and life long friendships. Perhaps this is our family replacement but I know when I was growing up I was never without a friend by my side. Having no siblings means your plus ones to the theme parks always get to be your best friend or your family Christmas parties involve your high school girls tagging along. Even with boys we are much more likely to lean towards having friendships with them instead of relationships because let’s face it, we know they last longer and we need more people by our side. So for an only child to put her time into a relationship it will mean taking time away from her other friendships and they are our family.

The family we chose for ourselves whom we adore; our loyalties are always with them and this is why giving time to a SO is harder for us to comprehend.

We may have buckets of friends and tons of experiences, our independence allows us this but deep down we’re quiet, we’re closed off and the fact that we’ve never dealt with the rough and tumble of a busy and bustling family life means we’re much more fragile human beings. We’re delicate. We’re afraid to love because we know that behind all of this freedom and self belief our parents instilled in us and only us; we know that we will break easily.

We know that our hearts are more open and that’s a beautiful but dangerous thing. TC mark

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