January 24, 2014

10 Things You Need To Know About Guitar Players

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Guitar players are a different breed of human. They love nothing more passionately than strumming those strings as if they were made of the most exquisite silk. The guitar player is part of an entire sub-culture of cool and once one picks up a guitar, chances are they’ll never put it down; it’s more addicting and pleasing than the strongest of opiates.

There’s something utterly captivating about this infamous instrument – it represents freedom, peace, and whole other level of cool; other instruments simply can’t compare. The esthetic of the guitar as a piece of art is also difficult to ignore. Even as a piece of art there’s something utterly mystifying about this glorious instrument.

Here is a listicle of the ten things you need to know about guitar players:

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1. They can never have enough picks.

You’ll see them scattered everywhere in a guitarist’s lair.  They’ll also have one exclusive favorite pick, maybe even a collection of picks that hold sentimental value which will be kept in a special (sometimes secret) spot.  Be careful if you try to take one; even though you may think that the guitarist won’t notice – they will. Picks to a guitarist are like a lighter to smoker…they will notice if even one goes missing.

2. They’re obsessed with a certain brand of guitar.

Most guitarists have a favorite brand – Fender, Gibson, Ibanez, Epiphone, Jackson, etc. Each one of these guitars fits a certain genre of music. For example: those who are fans of blues usually gravitate to a Fender Stratocaster and those who are into the Metal scene prefer the Ibanez and Jackson brands. They admire guitar brands the same way vehicle aficionados obsess about cars.

3. Guitarists get upset when non-guitarists critique the way they play.

Only other guitarists are the ones who are allowed to offer constructive criticism…and other musicians in general, except drummers. Let’s not go there.

4. The stereotype of the long-haired-tattoo-infested-guitarist on drugs and alcohol has to end.

There is no one way to define us or spot us in a crowd. But we all have that feeling when we play. It’s hard to explain if you’re not infatuated with a guitar but it’s sort of like those euphoric emotions you get when you’re petting your dog except multiply that love by about 100,000.

5. Guitarists always argue amongst themselves on the topic of the world’s most talented player.

There will be those who say it’s Stevie Ray Vaughn, Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, Santana, Slash, Tom Morello, etc. We never get to the answer – ever. If you don’t play guitar, please don’t voice your opinion or say that Kurt Cobain was the best. You’ll get chewed up and spit out alive.

6. You paid how much?

Guitarists don’t mind shelling out crazy amounts of money on their equipment and we can never ever have enough guitars. Whether it’s on the instrument or the boat-loads of other technological necessities (pedals, cables, strings, amps, etc) we love to buy more and more things to get our fill. Our homes are scattered with guitar related paraphernalia and we love every part of it, even it means tripping over stuff on a daily basis to support our addiction. PS there’s no cure for our addiction, so please give up.

7. If a guitarist is in a band, his/her fellow band members become family.

This applies to most people in a band, no matter the instrument. We end up spending so many hours hanging out and jamming that it’s hard not to become brutally attached to these people on a much deeper level than anybody else in our social circle. It’s because we all get it – that trance one enters when they’re playing their instrument cannot be compared to any other craft.

8. Guitarists get very angry at non-guitarist’s stupidity.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve face-palmed because of other people’s incredible ignorance and lack of knowledge. For example, I’ve been asked if one my guitars is a lead and if the other is a rhythm guitar… I’ve also been asked if I play acoustic or electric. The best one: “do you get shocked from the strings on an electric guitar? That’s why you need a pick right?” Mind blown. Yeah that actually happened. One my ex’s also said the following: “You always play that song!” … he was referring to the way I was tuning my guitar. We broke up.

9. Guitarists are insanely protective of their gear.

We don’t find it cute when your four-year-old kid picks up our vintage 1960’s strat and starts slamming on the strings. If we do let you touch or hold our guitar(s), take off all of the jewelry on your hands and fingers and place it back in the case/stand gently. And PLEASE don’t bang it on anything, hold it and caress it like a baby…it’s not a “toy”.

10. Once a guitarist, always a guitarist.

Tread lightly if you’re considering this instrument. It will mesmerize your senses the moment you learn your first chord, the moment you successfully learn scales, the moment you’re finally able to play a song you love just by relying on your very own ability to hear. You’ll become so attached to this hobby, many of you will change your life around it – you’ll dream about playing on stage, you’ll start to make friends with other guitar enthusiasts, and you’ll never look back. TC mark

image – Shutterstock
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