Thought Catalog
June 6, 2017

Look For These 30 Traits In A Life Long Partner (And Stop Wasting Your Time With F*ckboys)

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What is the issue?
Ioana Cristina Casapu

1. Feminism

You got that right. If this is not a man to believe in gender equality and who defends feminist values, I personally don’t know why you’re even wasting your time. You want someone who understands, believes and supports who you both are and comprehends your differences, authenticity and role just as they are.

2. Reliability

Words don’t have to speak louder than actions. Your significant other should be able to rely on you – and you on them. You don’t want someone who’s creative with excuses for the dozens of times they forgot to deliver something they promised. This isn’t so much about feelings, but rather about saying I will help you with this paperwork / I will teach you how to drive / I will pick up the laundry – and actually doing what he says.

3. Self awareness

It’s important for anyone to know himself enough in order to understand others.

4. The ability to forgive

You don’t want to spend your life next to a debilitating jerk who keeps grudges at everything you’ve ever said or did and he disliked.

5. Spontaneity

If you’re now musing about an urban lumberjack who will take you into artsy adventures and go down on you in the back of you car, sure, we can count that as spontaneous. But more than just that, spontaneity shows creativity, lust for life and the desire to share ideas, experiences and feelings with someone.

6. Passion

You need a passion, you need a project, read my bedroom wall back in Berlin. The most attractive people are those who have had the guts to follow their passions one way or the other, and who are actively invested in fulfilling those projects. There is something magnificent and inspiring about a passionate person’s speech and drive, and you can use that for your own benefit to get your wheels in motion if you’ve been feeling stagnant.

7. Strength

Which is similar to backbone, or the ability to go through life with endurance and will.

8. Courage

Remember, courage doesn’t mean he won’t be afraid of things, but that he will face his fears while still heading the direction of his dreams.

9. Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the believer, I like to think, so it doesn’t matter what the outside world thinks about the guy you love, as long as you find him attractive, mentally and physically. In the end, you can only date someone you like.

10. Morals

What I actually mean is not being a moralist, but having strong values in life – and leading by them.

11. Honesty

I want you to lie with me, not to me.

12. Hard work

We don’t need to glorify the busy (the media makes us feel terrible already about it) – but we definitely have to work towards our dreams.

13. Style

They don’t make men like they used to in Old Hollywood, do they?

14. Skill

I really hope you can be better than me in some areas. That’s how we can learn from each other.

15. Vulnerability

Men need to cry too. They need to vent as well. Sometimes they need to stop being strong and stop acting according to stereotypes. He’s not any less of a man if he crumbles down or opens up.

16. Power

As Madonna once said, ‘Power is being told you’re not loved and not being destroyed by it.’

17. Brains

Never date anyone who doesn’t have any books (that he actually reads) in his house.

18. Empathy

I challenge you to watch The Kardashians with me and laugh at life’s trivialities.

19. Compassion

Because it makes or breaks a relationship.

20. Respect

For our own limits, and generally things we can’t change.

21. Life experience

We all have it, we just need to learn how to make it work in our advantage.

22. The capacity to love again

Even if the last time it failed.

23. The ability to let go

Especially of his mom.

24. The eagerness to experiment

Because what else is there to a long life together than adventures, discoveries and newly conquered territories in bed?

25. Sensibility

It comes with a taste for good cinema, music and books.

26. A supportive character

If they can’t support you for you, with all your hobbies, passions, sensitivities, fears and layers, make it time out and don’t feel (too) sorry about it. The person you love should be able to cater support when you need it, especially when you’re too down to ask for it.

27. Wit

Because sarcasm is outdated.

28. Love for animals, children and the Earth

You want someone who won’t chase after stray cats with a shovel, or run with their car over a deer. I’m joking, I don’t even know who does that. Regardless, the way your partner feels towards pets, having kids together or protecting the environment can be one of the stepping stones of your relationship. You want someone kind, considerate and thoughtful, who won’t abandon your dog on the street, hit your kids or refuse to recycle because he’s lazy.

29. Friendliness

Because you want someone who will be your best friend, instead of someone who tells you to forget your friends and past lovers because you have him now. That doesn’t even sound convincing.

30. Humour

This is actually one of the most important qualities to look for in a significant other. At the end of the day, you can lose everything and still have that one thing to laugh about that keeps you together. It’s healthy, and it’s free. TC mark

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