1. The post-diagnosis depression.
These days were my worst. First it hits you like you suddenly woke up from a nightmare, trying to figure out where you are and if what you dreamt of is real. The bad news is that it doesn’t take the usual ending. It is always real, and you know it, deep in your bones, but you don’t know where you stand anymore.
First, you start questioning everything: Why me? This can get a bit psychotic. Your sorrow overtakes as you start clinging to yourself. Slowly, you turn your jaded feelings to things and people around you. But as soon as you discover that life still has something for you, you work it out your own way. The grass is not always greener the other side, and your disease doesn’t define you.
2. Avoiding other people’s pity!
Yes, many times, I had to make-up excuses because I just didn’t want others to find out about my condition: ‘I’m on my period’, ‘just a little bit tired’, ‘I cannot make it this weekend’ and the list goes on.. I wasn’t sure I could carry the burden of people pitying me or acting in consequence. I was very careful each time with everyone. People don’t realize sometimes how much you want to be seen “normal” regardless of what your condition is, more than you need their compassion toward you.
3. Making concessions.
Very often, you have to overthink everything. You wish you could carry on living your life as ever before to decrease the impact of what your days have turned out to be. So, for that 3rd drink of too much that might not suit your chemical treatment, or going with your bff to a remote country you’ve always dreamt of without worrying if hospitals there can take you in charge in case of a sudden crisis or if your medicine order is available or compatible with their norms, and for all the stress and anxiety it brings you, sometimes, yet sometimes, you wish it wasn’t you whose fate has chosen to go through this.
4. Telling your significant other.
Okay. This is a kind of a taboo point. If it is just a flirt or if your relationship is still in its beginning, telling them is probably not a question. But when your relationship is taking a serious turn and both of you are thinking of a long-term commitment, playing safety is not your best option but it is essential.
If your partner doesn’t deal well with a part of what you are today or are afraid to compromise a share of their quietude and the way it’ll impact their life, they are maybe not the right person for you.
5. Finding peace of mind.
Every day, every minute that passes, we are afraid not to live our lives to the fullest. While some of us are still haunted by the what-ifs of their past, others crossed the line and are struggling to deliver the still version of them the best way.