Teenager Has Surgery To Make His Football-Sized Penis Smaller

Many men would give their right leg for a problem such as this: An unnamed 17-year-old American male has undergone what may be the first penis-reduction surgery in world history.

His surgeon, Rafael Carrion, told MailOnline:

There comes a time in every urologist’s career that a patient makes a request so rare and impossible to comprehend that all training breaks down and leaves the physician speechless. That question was “can you make my penis smaller”?

The teen in question was sporting a shlong that measured seven inches while flaccid, which is no mean feat in itself. But also while limp, it had the circumference of a grapefruit. And when erect, it would swell up to what Carrion described as the size of “an American football.” Several episodes of priapism—an unwanted, persistent erection—caused the teen’s “large and heavy phallus” to become “bloated and misshapen,” which prevented him from playing sports and having sex, which as everyone knows, are two of the most enjoyable things about being a teenager in the first place.

After the surgery, the teen reportedly spent two days in the hospital and returned home “ecstatic” with his newer, smaller, more reasonable penis.