Thought Catalog
June 8, 2017

You Almost Dated Her, But Shattered Her Heart Instead

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What is the issue?
Pexels / Spencer Selover

Technically, you didn’t lie to her. You never looked her in the eyes and told her that you wanted to be her boyfriend. You never said that you were going to give up the single life to commit to her.

Technically, you didn’t have to stay loyal to her. You never put an official label on your relationship, you never admitted that she was anything more than a friend, so you had the freedom to flirt with other girls, to kiss other girls, to sleep with other girls.

Technically, you didn’t break any promises. You didn’t swear that you would take her out on dates and spend the holidays with her and be there for her whenever she needed your touch. You didn’t lie out loud about your intentions.

Technically, you didn’t do anything wrong. That’s why you haven’t texted her to ask her if she’s doing okay without you. That’s why you roll your eyes whenever she tries to make you feel bad about leaving her behind.

That’s why you’re completely free of guilt. You honestly believe that you didn’t do anything wrong. That if she feels like you led her on, that’s her problem, not yours. That it’s her fault for looking too far into things, for making assumptions based on your behavior.

But that way of thinking is total bullshit. You might not have used your words to tell her you were interested, but you silently said it. You said it every time you reached out to grab her hand or kiss her cheek. Every time you gave her a flirtatious compliment or turned the conversation sexual. Every time you texted her first thing in the morning or before she fell asleep at night.

You never actually told her that she mattered to you — but you gave her a million reasons to think that she mattered to you.

What else was she supposed to think when you kept telling her you missed her and wanted to spend more time with her? Or when you left suggestive comments across all of her social media? She made the logical assumption, which was that you felt the same way that she felt.

She’s not crazy for thinking you had developed strong feelings for her and would eventually want to take the next step into a relationship. And she’s not crazy for wanting some sort of closure, some sort of explanation for why you acted interested in her for months and then suddenly went MIA.

Even though you technically didn’t do anything wrong, even though you don’t want to be blamed for hurting her, you did hurt her. It happened, whether you are willing to admit it or not, whether you feel like you led her on or not.

So don’t act surprised when she turns the corner after seeing you, when she stops answering your texts and ignores your snaps.

She’s allowed to be pissed, disappointed, heartbroken — even though she never dated you. Even though you still swear you didn’t do anything wrong. TC mark

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