Thought Catalog
April 19, 2017

Walking Away From A Toxic Relationship Takes Strength

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What is the issue?
God & Man

You’ve been crying over him every night. Giving him the silent treatment every morning. You know that something isn’t right, that a healthy relationship doesn’t feel like this, and you’re tired of trying to fix it.

Finally, after months of denial, you decide that it’s time to leave.

But that’s not as easy as it sounds — except no one understands that. Your friends keep asking you if you’ve broken up with him yet, your parents keep urging you to get it over with already.

Everyone is waiting for you to leave him behind, because even though you’ve just realized how unhealthy he is, they’ve known for a while. They’ve been worried for weeks.

But every time you try to leave, he lists out reasons to stay. He gets upset, plays the victim card, and tells you that he couldn’t live without you. That he needs you in his world.

He begs you not to go and, in that moment, you see how much he cares. You remember how you felt when you first got together, back when things were happier.

You love him, and even though he hasn’t been showing it lately, you know that he loves you too, so you decide to give him one last chance.

That’s what you tell yourself every time. This is the last time. Last time. Last time…

And then he fucks up again. He does the exact same shit that you’ve yelled at him for a million times. He makes you so angry with him and so frustrated with yourself. You don’t know why you didn’t leave him sooner. How stupid are you? What the hell is wrong with you?

You want to complain to your friends about what a jackass he is, but you know that they’ll give you that look that says I told you so. That they won’t even want to hear it. That all they’ll want is for you to finally break up with him for real this time.

But you keep getting caught in a destructive cycle. He treats you like crap, so you tell him that you need to talk, but then he apologizes, he treats you well for a few days until he feels confident that you’ll stay, and then he goes right back to acting like an asshole.

He keeps making you think that he’ll change, but then he reminds you that it’s never going to happen. That you’re going to keep suffering through repeats in history.

It might take you weeks to break up with him and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

Eventually, you’ll find enough strength to leave permanently. You’ll have enough courage to say goodbye, to delete him from your social media, to block his phone number, and to move on with your life.

You know that this relationship shouldn’t last, so officially put an end to it — and don’t doubt your choice this time. Don’t let your guilt convince you to run back to him two seconds after you shut the door.

Leaving him is the right decision, the courageous decision. Stop second-guessing yourself. TC mark