Thought Catalog
April 7, 2017

This Is Why You Are Going To Hell, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

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Disclaimer: This is all meant in good fun. You’re not going to hell. (Probably.)
God & Man

Aries: March 21st – April 19th

You’re a skilled liar. You can cancel plans with your friends or call out of work sick, even when you’re in perfect health. You can get anyone to believe anything.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

You have a habit of laughing at things that are not supposed to be funny. People falling down. Getting hurt. Making complete fools of themselves.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

You listen to hardcore music with lyrics that you would never want your parents to hear. And your browser history is filled with websites that you wouldn’t even tell your best friend about.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

You would do absolutely anything in order to protect the people that you care about. You would cover up a murder. Commit a murder. Anything — as long as it kept your loved ones safe.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

You hate leaving the house, unless your makeup is applied and hair is frizz free. Whenever you walk past mirrors (or any type of reflective surface), you check to see how good you look. You’re obsessed with your appearance.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

You get jealous easily. You want your neighbor’s car. Your sister’s nose. Your friend’s dog. You always want what you can’t have instead of appreciating what you do.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

You have tattoos, piercings, and dyed hair. You walk around with fishnets and your cleavage showing. You love showing off your body and you don’t give a fuck about people who judge you for it.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

You curse like crazy. It’s hard for you to complete a sentence without throwing the F word in there somewhere. And most of the jokes you tell are super inappropriate. You have the dirtiest mind around.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

You’re obsessed with sex. You picture everyone you see naked and wonder how good they’d be in bed, how much they’d moan and what position they’d like best. Sex is always on your mind.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

You question too many things. Politics. Love. Religion. You don’t believe anything until you see it with your eyes first.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

Even though you would never act on them, you have really dark thoughts. When someone pisses you off, you imagine slitting their throat or drowning them. Your anger gets out of hand.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

You like to party. To drink. To gamble. To dabble with (soft) drugs. All of the things that your parents warned you to never do. TC mark