Thought Catalog
March 10, 2017

50 Guys That Will Never Actually Make You Orgasm

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God & Man

1. The guy that refuses to go down on you.

2. The guy that thinks penetration alone will get you off.

3. The guy that only foreplays for sixty seconds.

4. The guy that doesn’t know where your clit is.

5. The guy that uses the same exact position every time.

6. The guy that gets impatient when you take too long to finish.

7. The guy that doesn’t pay any attention to what you like and dislike.

8. The guy that only cares about his orgasm.

9. The guy that pushes you to do things you’re uncomfortable doing.

10. The guy that orders you to touch yourself — so he never actually has to touch you.

11. The guy that never kisses you on the lips.

12. The guy that compliments how tight you are, because he doesn’t realize it means you’re not turned on. At all.

13. The guy that never cuts his nails and then tires to finger you.

14. The guy that assumes the same thing that worked for his ex will work for you.

15. The guy that never even tries to set the mood.

16. The guy that keeps asking if you came yet, because he just wants it to happen already.

17. The guy that expects you to be on top every damn time.  

18. The guy that tries to re-enact what he’s seen in porn, because he thinks it’s realistic.

19. The guy that kisses with way too much tongue.

20. The guy that doesn’t stop when you ask him to stop.

21. The guy that uses way too much force to grab your breasts and rub your clit.

22. The guy that tries to push inside of you before you’re even wet.

23. The guy that has a beard that’s way too scratchy.

24. The guy that takes too long to unhook your bra.

25. The guy that remains eerily quiet the entire time instead of dirty talking or complimenting you.

26. The guy that refuses to use sex toys.

27. The guy that never asks if you like what he’s doing, because he assumes you love it all.

28. The guy that asks too many questions and forces you to pick every single position and move that he uses.

29. The guy that never looks you in the eye.

30. The guy that makes you feel unattractive.

31. The guy that never uses his hands to touch your breasts or hair or neck.

32. The guy that acts like getting you off is a chore he’d rather not do.

33. The guy that always gets so drunk (or high) that he can’t perform.

34. The guy that keeps begging for nudes, a threesome, or anal — even though you already told him no.

35. The guy that always stops what he’s doing just when it’s starting to feel good.

36. The guy that thinks he made you orgasm when he didn’t at all.

37. The guy that causes you physical pain.

38. The guy that just won’t communicate with you.

39. The guy that makes you feel self-conscious.

40. The guy that never kisses you on the neck.

41. The guy that thinks sex should officially be over as soon as he orgasms.

42. The guy that slutshames you.

43. The guy that refuses to cuddle after sex — or even stay the night.

44. The guy that compares you to other girls.

45. The guy that thinks it’s gross if there’s a single hair on your body.

46. The guy that never trims his hair down there — and never showers enough.

47. The guy that tries to bend your body into ridiculous positions that hurt.

48. The guy that keeps his boxers on the entire time.

49. The guy that expects you to deepthroat and shoves your head down.

50. The guy that makes you hate sex. TC mark

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