Thought Catalog
January 11, 2017

You Haven’t Found Him Yet, But You Will

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Unsplash, Timothy Paul Smith
Unsplash, Timothy Paul Smith

You sulk around your room when your friends are busy, wishing you had something better to do. Wishing your life was filled with some excitement. Wishing you had someone that would knock on your door and take you on an impromptu adventure, dragging you as far from your self-pity as possible.

But one day, you’ll have someone to break up the monotony. Someone to hold your hand while ice-skating. Someone to squeeze your thigh at the movie theater. Someone to drag you onstage at a karaoke bar and take the wheel during a road trip and spoil you at your favorite restaurant.

Right now, your bed is empty, aside from your stray clothes and your unopened laptop. As you fall asleep, you make up conversations with celebrities you haven’t met and replay moments with strangers that smiled at you. (That’s all it was. Just a smile. But you’re so starved for attention that the smile feels like the world to you.)

But one day, you’re going to be falling asleep in the crook of your boyfriend’s arm. Your only complaint will be how hot it is with his body heat and all the blankets — and it’ll be an empty complaint, not a real one at all, because you’ll secretly be swimming in an ocean of bliss.

Now, you go out with friends and become silent when they mention boys, because your love life isn’t a love life at all. There’s nothing for you to talk about. No fun stories to weave into the conversation. Only complaints. About how you hate modern dating. About how sucky boys are. About how you’ve lost hope of ever finding someone.

But one day, those complaints will turn to brags. You’ll try not to talk about your boyfriend too much, because you won’t want to look cocky. You know you have it good, better than any other girl, and you don’t want to seem stuck up. You don’t want to seem superior.

Now, you wait and wait for that text to come through. It could take hours. It could take days. Or maybe he won’t even respond. Maybe you aren’t as important as you thought, or maybe he’s with another girl, kissing her while you’re daydreaming about kissing him. That unanswered text eats at you all day, making you feel ugly. Unworthy.

But one day, the unanswered texts will carry a different meaning. If he takes too long to respond, you’ll be nervous, but not about being cheated on. You’ll experience pure fear, because you know he’d call if he was going to be late. You hope it wasn’t an accident. That it was only traffic. Because you couldn’t survive without him. No. You could. But you wouldn’t want to — because he’s your person. He’s the only one you want.

You haven’t found him yet, but you will. And while you’re waiting, enjoy the life that you have — because the love you have will be brilliant, but right now, your life is already brilliant. You can be brilliant on your own until you find him. And then you can be brilliant together. TC mark 

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