I’m Sorry You’re In Love With Someone Like Me

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that has such extreme emotions. One tear turns into a waterfall. A spark of anger turns into a volcano of rage. I’m jealous and bitter and selfish. I don’t have a handle on my feelings. I’m a complete mess.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that’s never satisfied. I always need something. A new tattoo. A different hair color. A pair of plane tickets. My happiness fades fast, so I always need something new to look forward to.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that’s so quiet around your friends and family. I want to be comfortable around them. I want to tell them funny stories and initiate cheek kisses, so they can see me like you see me. But I’m always going to feel awkward in social situations. I’m never going to be able to relax around them the way that I should.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that’s incapable of communicating. When I have a problem with you, with us, I close myself off. I don’t want to talk about it, because I’m worried you’ll accuse me of overreacting. Or maybe I’m worried about ruining everything we have with one conversation. Even if I want to tell you how I’m feeling, I can never find the right words. Can never speak them clear enough.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl with such heavy baggage. Before I met you, I thought love was an elaborate lie. You’ve changed my mind, but that change didn’t happen wholly. I still have doubts. Not because of you. Because of me. Because of my past.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that refuses to take your compliments. You constantly try to convince me that I’m pretty, because I have such low self-worth. Because my mirror and photographs and my phone camera tell me I’m ugly and I believe them over you. I think you’re lying when you tell me how lovely I look. I think you’re just trying to be nice.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that gets overly obsessed. I live life in extremes. I’m either madly in love with something or I hate it to its core. I don’t have an indifferent opinion about anything. There are no half-measures with me.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that doesn’t want a family. I won’t give you children. I won’t learn to cook. I won’t quit my job. I’ll never be the traditional type of woman that you always assumed you’d end up with when you were a little boy.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that’s terrified of the future. I want to be with you. Forever. But the idea of planning a wedding and picking out a permanent house scares the hell out of me. I need more time to get used to the idea of us. To the idea of someone staying.

I’m sorry you’re in love with a girl that’s so fucked up. But I’m going to do everything humanly possible to push past my faults and love you the way you deserve to be loved. Because you’re the person for me. And — as scared as I am, as weak as I feel — I’m not going anywhere.