You don’t want to risk running around with an open heart and an open mind, practically begging someone to come and break you. You don’t want to be abandoned, to be heartbroken, to be told you’re not enough.
It’s understandable. No one wants to get hurt. No one wants to leave their heart on a platter and wait for some savage masquerading as a good guy to dig into it.
It’s easier to push everyone you have the potential to love away. To pretend that you’re cold and heartless. To pretend that you’re living the exact life you want.
That’s why you type those long messages and then delete them before sending. Why you stuff your loaded emotions down your throat, back into your chest. Why you spend nights convincing yourself that you’re better off alone.
But when you lock your heart away, you’re not protecting yourself. You’re caging yourself.
You’re taking away opportunities to forge friendships, to build relationships, to find your forever person. You can’t get close to someone if you’re unwilling to let them into your life. If you only give them scattered pieces of yourself, purposely shielding them from the darkest bits.
If you want an authentic relationship, then you have to give them everything. You have to let them see the pimples beneath your makeup and hear your snorting laugh. You have dig up the emotions you’ve buried and dust them off to share.
Don’t let the fear win. The fear of rejection. The fear of being led on and lied to. The fear of falling madly in love and having it all yanked away from you as soon as you’re getting comfortable.
You need to stop coming up with excuses to shut other people out. Being alone isn’t really what you want.
What you really want is someone you can talk to until 3AM. Someone that will take a day off from work, just so they can spend extra time in bed with you. Someone that will share a blanket with you, even though their body warmth is keeping you cozy enough.
When you finally get those things — get that person — let yourself soak in the pleasure. Don’t worry about how long the experience is going to last. Don’t count down the days until it all falls apart. Enjoy it. And if it all ends, at least you can say you made the most of it while it lasted.
You need to stop shutting other people out, because they’re not going to chip away at your walls. They’re not going to fight for you to let them in when you’re expending all of your energy pushing them away. They’re going to respect your wishes and back off, because they think that’s what you honestly want.
That’s why, if you want the love you deserve, the love you’ve been dreaming about all your life, you have to stop guarding your heart and let it run wild.