October 19, 2016

I’m Seriously Sick Of Getting Disappointed By Boys

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What is the issue?
Sophie Oatman
Sophie Oatman

I’m sick of texting for weeks, of flirting over the phone like we’re going to turn our late night conversations into a serious relationship, and then never meeting up face-to-face. I want to see you in person. I don’t want our relationship to begin and end over a text message.

I’m sick of feeling like I’m not good enough, just because some half-decent boy made the decision to drop out of my life without giving me a warning. I don’t want to look in the mirror and wonder what’s wrong with me. I hate feeling this way.

I’m sick of getting my hopes up, because I developed legitimate feelings for a guy that led me on. I don’t understand the need to lie. You either want a relationship or a fling. Just tell me. I don’t care what you want, as long as you tell me upfront.

I’m sick of almost relationships, where I think that I’m on my way to calling a particular boy my boyfriend. I don’t want to come this close to dating, only to be let down again. I don’t want the boy that once made me feel unstoppable to make me feel inadequate.

I’m sick of one-night stands that seem like they’re going to turn into something more. I don’t want a guy to call me beautiful or ask for my phone number if he’s planning on leaving my life when the sun rises. I’d rather be treated like meat than be fooled into hoping for more.

I’m sick of empty promises. Don’t tell me that you’re going to fly me to Disney or introduce me to your parents if you know it’s never actually going to happen. Stop making me believe that we have a future when all you care about is the present.

I’m sick of swapping numbers with a guy I felt like I had a genuine connection with, waiting by my phone for weeks, and gradually realizing that he’s not planning on contacting me. That I was fun in the moment, but forgettable overall. That I’m not worth a text message or a call.

I’m sick of wasting all of my energy on a seemingly good guy, and then finding out that he recently started dating someone else. That he chose another girl over me, even though I was clearly interested. Even though it seemed like he was interested, too.

I’m sick of spending hours on my hair and make-up in the hopes of running into a cute guy and then being left empty-handed. I feel like there’s no one good around. Like I’m never going to meet someone worth talking to on a dating site or IRL.

I’m sick of opening myself up to men that don’t appreciate it. I hate spilling secrets to them and then having them leave with half of my heart. They don’t understand how much of myself I was willing to give them, and that’s what hurts the most.

I’m sick of caring about whether I’m single or in a serious relationship. I don’t want to want a boyfriend. I want to be happy with the way my life is, because really, being on my own beats the disappointment of dating. TC mark

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