Date A Self-Proclaimed Asshole Who Just Doesn’t Give A Fuck

If you want to be happy, date an asshole. I’m not talking about men and women who pretend to be nice, but are actually stringing you along, cheating behind your back, and lying straight to your face. I’m talking about the type of asshole that just doesn’t give a fuck. The type of asshole that lives life without worrying about what other people think. The type of asshole that you (yes, you) are.

Assholes are much more fun than angels.

Do you really want someone who censors themselves, because they think they’ll hurt the The Rock’s feelings if they claim Central Intelligence looks like shit? Isn’t the dream to find someone that hates the same things as you? Someone who will join in when you make fun of the people you can’t fucking stand? Someone who won’t judge you for expressing feelings other than love and happiness? There’s a time and a place to be nice, but it isn’t all the time.

They aren’t as bad as they seem.

Assholes aren’t assholes to everyone. When they find someone they actually care about, that they know won’t screw them over, they’ll turn into the nicest people that you’ll ever meet. And when you hang out with them, you won’t have to worry about them toning themselves down in order to fit in. They won’t give a fuck about anyone else’s opinion. All they’ll care about is that you’re having a hell of a great time together.

If they like you, they’ll always stick up for you.

They’re allowed to say mean things to you, because they’re joking around. But if someone else so much as looks at you the wrong way, then they’re going to flip the fuck out. You’ll never have to worry about being taken advantage of again, because they’ll make sure that everyone around them treats you the right way. They don’t want you to feel like crap, even for a second, because they know you’re one of the good ones.

They see themselves for what they are.

Self-proclaimed assholes are aware that they’re assholes. They know that they have a nasty side, which means they’ll understand when you get pissed at them. They’ll even go as far as to apologize, because they know how horrible they can be and that you’re the last person who deserves to deal with their attitude. Unlike most people, they see themselves for what they are. But that doesn’t mean they’re proud of it.

They’ll make you feel like the chosen one.

Assholes hate the human race, because they’re realists. They know how cruel people can be, that they’re inherently thieves and liars and cheaters. I mean, really, who has ever met a perfect human being? They don’t exist. Assholes understand this, which is why they like to isolate themselves. Of course, you’re one of the exceptions, which is a huge deal. You should be happy that someone who hates the majority of the world actually likes you. It’s an honor, really. You should be proud of yourself.