It was 4 days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn’t break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting her gift and I wasn’t willing to make a 34 day commitment to the relationship.
The most George Costanza-esque reason I DIDN’T break up with someone was that her father worked in a pie factory and shipped me a delicious key lime pie packed in dry ice every month.
One day I realized she looked like Paul Dano and I couldn’t unsee it. That was it.