1. Abortion
Slept with another guy, got pregnant, had an abortion, and showed proof to me so I’d think she’d aborted my own child.
2. KKK
An ex-girlfriend signed me up for a paid membership in the Ku Klux Klan. That never goes away.
3. Murder-suicide
Committed a murder (his pregnant girlfriend)/suicide. Yeah.
He had come from a pretty unstable family, and had strange ideas about the world, relationships, commitment, and just about everything else.
When he and I were in a relationship, he became progressively more abusive and controlling. One day, we were fighting over something trivial and he just went crazy. He got his gun and threatened to end both of our lives. I didn’t doubt he was capable of doing it. Thankfully, he calmed down and put the gun away. That’s when I realized that if I didn’t leave, it was very likely that I would lose my life. So, I left.
A year or so later, he was with this new woman. I wasn’t in contact with him, so I don’t know much detail beyond what was told to me by friends and what I read in the news. He had gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and at some point, she threatened to leave him. Apparently unable to accept that possibility, he shot and killed her, then killed himself. I was out at a fundraiser when I start getting frantic calls from my family asking if I was okay. I didn’t know what was going on, and I hadn’t heard the news.
My mom explained what happened and reality hit like the proverbial ton of bricks. I visited his family (my ex in-laws) to give my condolences and they suggested that it was my fault it happened because I had left him. Goodness, that felt terrible to hear.
4. Cut off her own finger…
My ex-girlfriend had been getting more and more crazy and clingy and possessive, and I was getting freaked out. She broke my computer and phone so I couldn’t watch porn, and even stole the keys to my car so I would depend on her for transportation.
After this, I called it quits. Told her that I was done with this relationship. She had none of it. She dumped me off in a warehouse, drove to my house, stole my credit card, and attempted to buy an apartment to “convince me of my former infatuation.” She also bought a couple tattoos, one of which being a wedding ring on her finger.
I took her to court on theft charges and restraining order. It was a piece of cake in court, she pretty much admitted to everything in a ferocious verbal accusation of my “infidelity.” She threatened me in horrible ways. When she lost, she went full crazy. She mailed something to me. She mailed me the most morbid thing I could imagine.
SHE MAILED ME HER LEFT RING FINGER IN A PLASTIC BAGGIE. SHE CUT OFF HER FINGER AND MAILED IT TO ME.
5. Not enough attention?
She told me that her ex (they were together at the time) enrolled in the same class in junior college with her so they can be in class together. One day he caught her glancing at another guy in class and proceeded to beat the shit out of her later that night. So she got with me instead. We live 25 miles apart and I could only see her about 4 days out of the week. Eventually she broke up with me because I couldn’t see her everyday. She went back to woman-beater dude because she said she’d rather get beaten because it shows that he loves her with all his attention. A year later I ran into her randomly with a baby. She said she regrets leaving me.
6. She was clingy
During college I went on one date with a girl I’d met in line at the bookstore, it was a nice dinner followed by drinks at the bar and the night ended at her place, I thought I legitimately liked her.
The next evening she called to ask if we could hang out, but I had a birthday party to attend with a bunch of guy friends, and wouldn’t be available. She showed up at the bar we were at and I chatted for a minute, but explained I was spending time with the guys, and would call her some other time. She seemed agitated.
The party moved on and I started getting texts from her every 10 minutes for the rest of the night, I responded to none of them, and they got progressively angrier.
“You should ditch your friends.”
“Why are you being such a jerk tonight?”
“Fuck you asshole.”
“I swear I’m not crazy!”
“I’m sorry, come over and I’ll make it up to you.”
“Fuck you!”
The next morning I had received a total of 24 text messages 8 calls, 10 AIM messages. 2 facebooks messages, and one LONG email trying to explain herself. I saw her in passing several times through the rest of college, she usually gave me an angry glare.
7. Holes in condoms
Motherfucker confessed to me that he poked holes in the condom the very last time we had sex in an attempt to get me pregnant. He knew that our relationship was falling apart and thought that was the way to keep me around. He even went to my family’s house to convince them to be on his side. He was stupid enough to think I would take him back for telling me the truth. I didn’t end up pregnant with his kid. Thank God.
8. Stabby stab
Came in, 4 hours after saying she was going to the store to buy some milk, shitfaced drunk, and without the milk. She then proceeded to try to stab me to death with scissors when I asked about the milk. Had to call the cops to come get her. After locking herself in her room, and trying to tell the cops the blood in the bathroom (mine) was hers, they finally got her and hauled her away. It was pretty obvious what happened, especially considering I was stone cold sober and bleeding.
9. This is rape
She broke into my house and sucked my dick while I was sleeping. I live with my parents.
10. Cops and gender profiling…
I broke up with her and she said that she didn’t want me around the apartment I was mostly paying for. I told her I needed access to my belongings and so I would need to come into the apartment to get them. She flips out and starts trying to wrench my keys out of my pocket and hitting me. When this proves fruitless, she physically blocks the door to the room I am in and doesn’t let me out. I try to squeeze by her without pushing too hard, she starts slapping and scratching me. I get tired of this and threaten to call the cops. I dial and she finally gets out of the way. Unfortunately the cops had to come anyway because it was a domestic dispute and instantly start trying to drag me out of my own apartment. I had to inform them that it was actually me that called and not the sobbing girl, because she had become abusive and I wasn’t going to get physical with her.
11. Is he serious?
I was my ex’s emergency contact. He broke up with me in August and having been dumped I stopped taking his calls and answering his texts. This went on for a month and a half. In early October I got a call from the hospital saying they needed me to come in as I was his emergency contact. He was a delivery driver for a restaurant and got hit by a car. Thankfully he was just scratched and bruised but nothing major. We checked out and I dropped him off at home. As he’s getting out of the car he says “I’m glad you came. I didn’t know what else to do to finally get you to talk to me again.” I was livid! I told him to get out.
12. Actually did her a favor
Smashed my new 50″ TV, slashed all my tires, and threw my laptop in the bathtub.
He had to pay for it all though so I didn’t press charges. Dumbass left me a bunch of texts saying he would do it (my phone was dead at the time so I didn’t see them til after the damage was done) so he was easily caught. Oh and it was perfect timing since it was close to Christmas and I ended up buying a nicer 55″ TV because of all the after-Christmas deals.
13. I’m sure he regrets purposely injecting himself with HIV+ blood
Moved home, knowingly became HIV positive, sent me a copy of the test with a note that said “I did this because you left me, have a happy life.”
14. When things like this happen, just call the cops
A week after I had kicked her out, she walked into my apartment drunk as hell with her new boyfriend and a couple of his friends at 3am. Guess she still had a key.
I jumped out of bed, ran into the living room and asked her what the fuck she was doing there.
Her new boyfriend got in my face saying she and I were in a common-law marriage because we had lived together for so long, and they were too drunk to drive back home. So they were gonna sleep in the living room.
I threatened to call the police, voices got raised, my ex finally said that they’d be more comfortable sleeping in their car outside.
I went back to bed where a new girl was still naked and confused.
15. That’s pretty weird
So I was his first real girlfriend. He was 30 at the time. We had lived together for just over a year but it just wasn’t working out. The actual break up lasted about 2 months. My son and I stayed with my mom during that time, and he claimed he just needed time to deal with things.
I hadn’t heard from him for a few days so I went by the house to check on things and he was gone. The only thing missing was his gun.
For 2 weeks nobody heard from him, but he was actively checking his messages on facebook. He didn’t even call into work. When he finally did answer his phone, he said he had been backpacking the neighboring states and wasn’t coming back for any of his belongings.
It’s been a little over a year and all of his things are still in my garage. I later found out he stole a bunch of my lingerie pieces. It was like he didn’t want me to have have a complete set, so he took either the bra or panties, not both.
16. He got a tattoo of her name
He got a tattoo of my name three days after I told him I never want to see him again. He showed up to my house to show me the tattoo. I slammed the door in his face.
17. Legitimately crazy
This has been a long time coming….all the same guy and all in a matter of a couple months. Not necessarily the right order (was years ago).
Broke into my second story apartment.
Broke down my bedroom door (was a bolted lock).
Stole my dog and threatened to drop her off in a field if I didn’t leave my work friends I was hanging out with after a shift just ended.
Proposed to me (even though I had mentioned for years I was not ready for marriage and wouldn’t even consider it until I was done with college).
Oh, the ring he used was his mom’s old engagement ring. Cute…except for the fact that his parents got divorced and hated each other. Oh and we weren’t even dating…
Stole my camera and macbook pro, never got back.
Hundreds of calls and emails and threats.
Saw me at petsmart with a guy friend when we were in the car leaving and he followed us miles into town. I had my friend drop me off and was trying to book it into work but my ex ran after me which led to a huge fight right in public (so embarrassing).
Came to my apartment and I met him outside with my dog to get my keys (that he stole when he broke in one time). He started screaming at me and physically hurting me. I tried to call 911 and he took my phone and smashed it into the ground. I got away and ran for help.
Decided it was time to file a police report to start building up for a restraining order (I know, should have been sooner). I had a smashed phone, bruises, and the parking lot had cameras. He denied everything, lying to the cop. Got mad at me that he might lose his job over it (he worked in a nursing home…I sure hope he lost his job).
Continued to call me and my mother at times for years after we broke up. I never once answered a call, text or email from him during those times.
Drove two hours to my new college and sat outside one of my classes waiting for me to ‘catch’ me. I had made a guy friend in the class who took the same bus route as me so we would chat on the bus on the way home. My ex saw me walking out with him and started laying on his car horn screaming at me.
I heard through an old friend that he now dates someone that looks just like me. Creeeepy.
18. Uh, wow
Walked 3 miles to my house with a pot of mac and cheese because her parents took away her car for being crazy and stalking me. After I didn’t come outside she started banging pots and pans together flinging mac and cheese everywhere. Then slit her wrists. Fucking Insane.
19. “Help me date this guy”
My ex SO of 2 years broke it off because she didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship while she studied abroad. Perfectly fine by me since she was doing 2 stints in a row and I wouldn’t see her for a year-and-a-half (summer to end of next summer).
She Skype calls me about 3 weeks after we broke up and about 2 weeks after she starts studying abroad to ask for help getting a guy to date her. Being the always overly nice guy that I am I say “sure, but if I do this I expect you to cut all ties with me forever unless it’s an emergency” she complied, I told her to just ask him out, it works, I hang up.
She Skype calls me a month later saying it’s an emergency, she wants to end it because he’s not like Spanish-me after all but doesn’t know how. I told her the best penis repellent is to ask him to help her pick up another guy and hung up.
20. The vast ocean of crazy
I can pick a few things out of the vast ocean of crazy that is my ex.
She called 2 different jobs and proceeded to tell my boss that I was a bad person, crazy, unreliable, and I should be fired. She actually called one of my bosses about 40 something times. In a row.
She threw the top of a grill (bbq) grill at me because I left to go to work.She threw gravel at my car after I didn’t agree to her schedule. That’s right, I got her pregnant. Now I am the custodial parent, btw, she only sees the kiddo on the weekends.
She threw a metal chair at my sliding glass doors.
She got me arrested – this one takes some explanation. She was in a rage because I was going to drop off our child at her mom’s. She had found out I was seeing someone else (this was many months after we’d broken up). I had stopped in the street in front of her mom’s house to get some of the child’s stuff out of the trunk. The kid is asleep in the back of the car, btw. She pulls up behind, jumps out, and starts taking my girlfriend’s stuff out of the trunk. She starts making fun of this girl (who she’d never met) for wearing makeup. she then slaps it off the back of my car into the snow on the side of the road. As I’m trying to pick it up, she kicks it. The bag opens, makeup goes flying all over the place. I start trying to pick it up, and she starts trying to kick it away from me. So I stand up and push her back. I push her on her sternum area (this was a mistake). She calls the cops, says I was abusing her, and I get to spend the night in jail.
She also smashed the lights and windshield of my car.
I loaned her a newer car that we had bought when we were together so she could go to Colorado and ‘work’. She ended up taking the car for a month, drove all the way from Kansas to Oregon and everywhere in between, without telling me, leaving me to care for our child.
She ended up getting arrested when I took the cops with me to get my car back. A few weeks later she tried to steal the car back from me and ended up damaging the window.
She was involuntarily committed a few times for suicidal actions.
She was a peach. I get to see her in court today!
21. What the hell happened
My ex walked into thanksgiving dinner while my step father was putting the turkey on the table demanded to know if I was sleeping with the girl that was there, she then tried to steal my phone and after 10 more minutes of her screaming obscenities proceeded to steal my bed. I mean she literally took my mattress and box spring through the house brought them out on the front lawn. She quickly realized that her Honda Civic wasn’t going to be able to transport my mattress and box spring. So she took the only reasonable course of action and proceeded to stand on them so that I couldn’t get them back. She made a phone call and a few minutes later her sister showed up with a truck. She screamed “Have fun fucking on the floor!” loaded my bed into the truck then got in her car and left.
That was two years ago. I’m still with the other girl and I did indeed enjoy fucking her on the floor.
22. This takes the cake
Ex wife made a Facebook account for her cat after we had separated. Found out from a friend so I logged in to see the ridiculousness of it all. The cat had me blocked.
