I work at subway and one of our greatest secrets is if you ask one of our “Sandwich Artists” to microwave your cookie, we’ll do it. Ask for 5 seconds and you’ll have a perfectly warmed, soft, and delicious cookie.
I worked at TCBY one summer. We had these SlimFast shakes that a bunch of ladies would come in every day for. To make them you’d mix SlimFast powder in with frozen yogurt and it was supposed to curb their hunger/give them nutrients etc.
For that entire summer, I mistook a tub of chocolate malt powder for SlimFast. It wasn’t until one of my last weeks that I noticed the error. Those ladies didn’t lose an ounce of weight from what I could tell.
Sorry fat ladies. Hope the fall was brighter.
I work for an airline. Your cell phone is not going to make me fly in the wrong direction.
I work for a senior senator. We do not care about anything you say on the phone, mail us, or fax us. If you call to voice your opinion, the intern answering the phone will listen to you for a minute, tell you that they will be sure to let the senator know, hang up and continue surfing facebook. If you mail or fax a form letter (a prewritten letter from an organization that you just sign) it will get thrown out without a second glance. If you hand write a well thought out, calm letter, it may go into the mailbox of the legislative correspondent dealing with the subject matter, and you may receive a general pre written letter on the subject a few months later.
If you send casework it will be sent back to the office in our state, and I’m not sure how they deal with it from there.
I used to work at a busy restaurant in the kitchen.
We didn’t have time to spit in your food.
I work at one of the nations largest banks. We have no fucking clue what were doing at anytime, but there will be a fee for that.
If you have Comcast as your cable provider and live with another person, you can continuously get their 6-month promo deals, by doing a “service take-over” after your promo is up. Just pretend you’re moving out, and the other person is moving in. They will give the new person another 6-month promo, and won’t have to do another install, it just changes who’s info is on the account. Almost nobody uses service takeovers and therefore don’t really keep track of you doing it.
ATMs in the US that charge $1 (or $1.25, $1.5, whatever it’s up to now) for non-bank cards will sometimes not charge that if you ask for a different language (Spanish, French, Chinese, etc). I assume they don’t always bother translating the “I’m going to charge you now” page to airtight legal lingo in every language and just skip it. Some will present a translated version of it, but it’s worth a shot when stuck needing to use one. They also often don’t charge for non-US cards so if you have another account out of the country they’re free in many more cases.
I’ve never worked here (Cash America Pawn), but this is one of the best, will save you hundreds.
Some of you may know this, but at Cash America Pawn shops, on every price tag on a product they are selling is a collection of letters from the word “MARY LOUISE”. The letters are a code for how much the pawn shop paid out for the item, how much they’ve invested.
The code is that ‘M’=1 ‘A’=2 ‘R’=3 and so on. The ‘E’ = 0. Say that the price for an item is 400 bucks. You look at the price tag, find the code, and it has the letters AAEEE. This means that Cash America paid out $220.00.
Once you find what you want, make sure you’re talking to a manager or assistant manager, they are the only ones who can go really low. For the example used above I would offer $250, then $275 then we would probably settle for $300.
I love buying shit from pawn shops and this code can give you the upper hand.
I’m speaking as a person who has been in the hotel business for most of his life.
When you drive into a hotel parking lot and you see that it’s not full, that means the hotel’s probably not full – unless there’s a bus or something. There is no such things as a fixed hotel price. You’re given automatic discounts for AAA, AARP, senior citizens, membership clubs, etc., but you can easily get 20% off the rate the person at the front desk quotes you by hustling and haggling. It’s better to sell a room for 80% of the asking price than not sell it at all, right?
I used to work for a major office supply chain (they own a stadium). One day I went into the back and found one of the cashiers standing over a pile of stuff, printer cartridges, calculators, etc, and stomping her little heart out and trying her best to smash all of it. I was like “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?” and she says “Oh, they told me to break this stuff because they can’t sell it.” I marched into my managers office and asked what the hell they were thinking, and they replied “Well that stuff has sat in the clearance bin for months, we can’t afford to keep it on the floor, so it has to be destroyed.” “Well why can’t you donate it to like, a SCHOOL or something?” “Well if we donate it, we have to write it off as a loss and it makes our profits look lower, this way it’s written off as damaged property, and it improves our books.”
They did the same with blank CDs, there were stacks of hundreds of them and I was like “I can use them,” so I grabbed a bunch and put them under my jacket. When I came back at the end of my shift, they had taken them back, and another cashier was taking them one by one, scratching them with her keys, and dumping them in the trash. It totally shattered my youthful optimism.
12. Save more money
I used to travel a lot as a consultant. We got “corporate rates” at almost all of the hotels we stayed at…for example the Pepsi rate, the Coke rate, the Deloitte rate, the IBM rate etc. When you want to book a hotel you can look up the businesses with offices nearby and then ask if they have a rate for XYZ company. They never asked for a corporate ID and just give you the “negotiated” rate. Good way to save a few bones on a hotel room.
13. This is HERESY
At Godiva (the fancy chocolate store) ALL chocolate dipped strawberries (which retail for around $6 a pop) left at closing are thrown away. Try to go in just before closing and be really nice to the sales associate and they might give you some.
Doing this was especially popular with other mall workers for trade (i.e. trading free cosmetic samples from Macy’s employees for leftover chocolate strawberries).
I used to work in brokerage…
The licensed professionals at brokerage firms (series 6, 7, etc) don’t necessarily know ANYTHING about stocks and investing. The tests to get licensed are very general and deal with math and the history of the markets and things like that, but there is very little in the way of assessing someone’s ability to competently guide your investments.
Assume they are retarded until they prove otherwise.
Used to work at Taco Bell.
In general I wouldn’t suggest eating there, but if you do, you should avoid anything with the beans or rice, particularly the rice.
You’re supposed to switch out the line items after a certain amount of time, but no one ever does. Unless it’s rush hour, if you order the beans, there will be a 1/4″ thick dried crust on top that we will just mix into the remaining beans underneath before plopping it in your burrito.
The rice is even worse. Very few items have rice in them, so whatever gets made at the start of the day just sits out all day.
The sour cream comes out of a gun/tube similar to a caulking gun. It’s barely refrigerated while it’s out, and anything left over gets put in the walk in fridge to be re-used the next day.
The “meat” comes in a plastic bag that is reheated by immersing it in a hot water bath. It is then poured out onto the line. It looks pretty much like grade F ground beef mixed with shredded particle board.
I used to work at one of the nicest restaurant/bars in town. Any time anyone ordered a dirty martini or a similarly-heavy mixed drink with top-shelf liquor, unless they were sitting right at the bar we’d use the cheap stuff and mark down the difference to the employee liquor fund, for our own happy hour at the end of the week.
Last year I worked in rural India for BP on a natural gas project.
They proceeded drilling, while knowing they had a broken BOP (blowout preventer).
Nothing bad happened on our project, but a year later the Gulf spill was due to BP proceeding with a broken BOP.
You guys have NO idea how much waste and corner-cutting occurs in the Oil and Gas industry.
JOB #1 : Grocery Store
- I was a produce trimmer
- Cut my hand, bled on the lettuce, was told to hose it off and sell it
- Old rotten veggies get turned into coleslaw
- The organic veggies that cost more are not actually organic
JOB #2 : Movie Theatre
- I was a projectionist
- Guy dipped his dick into a drink, gave it to a co-worker
- Yes, I can see you getting head in the theatre
- When the house lights are on you can see the crusty semen on the back row seats, they are never washed.
JOB #3 : Best Buy
- That warranty covers nothing. If it breaks, we will blame it on ware and tear.
- That credit card will put you in to debt
- That “gold tip” monster cable that cost $80 costs us $2 (although this is in part due to Monsters “MAP” policy
- Don’t buy the fucking warranty!
JOB #4 : Fast Lube type place
Some handy facts:
- That was not actually synthetic oil
- That washer fluid was water
- Ya, we stripped the bolt, but you took it somewhere else so the warranty is void
- That was not quaker state, that was a no name brand that gets pumped into the tanks
- “Engine Flushes” do nothing, they are just low viscosity oil
- “Stop Leak” bottles do nothing
- “Fuel System Cleaner’ does nothing
- You don’t need your transmission oil changed so soon, those are “Extreme Conditions” recommendations
- You don’t need your oil changed every 3 months or 5000km, check your owners manual
- That “$64.99” cabin air filter cost us $7
- Your air filter is not clogged, it just has a little dust
- We don’t get commission, we get Bonuses
- Also if you go to a fast lube 5 min before they close FUCK YOU. we have to serve you and now we are staying at work an extra 35 min unpaid (service and clean-up)
JOB #5 : Programmer
I love my job
I left out some summer jobs, but this is a short list of the shit I have seen.
I currently work for a regional ISP in southern california. We keep no records of IP addresses whatsoever, and I know for a fact that most other small and medium ISPs keep no records either. Moral of the story: don’t use AT&T, Verizon, Time Warner, Cox, or Comcast for your internet. There are always other providers, you just have to look harder to find them. AT&T & Verizon are required by law to let other ISPs lease copper for DSL service, and usually the small providers give better service and don’t keep track of your activities….
I work at Walmart and here are a couple secrets they don’t want you to know:
Almost anything can be returned, at least for store credit as long as it was bought at a Walmart. Sometimes you won’t even need a receipt unless it’s a very expensive item. Lots of people buy stuff like pools (especially pools), grills, awnings, etc. for the weekend and return them Monday.
If you complain to a manager you will get your way.
Yes, I see you approaching me to ask me a question. Yes I am pretending I don’t notice you while I briskly walk away. I don’t know where the fly swatters are at, please stop stalking me.
We have lots of cockroaches, giant rats and mice in the back. Don’t be too surprised to find a loaf of bread with holes in it. The backroom is not as clean and sanitary as you would assume. It’s also incredibly disorganized.
Walmart employees hate Walmart more than anyone on the planet.
21. There you go
I work in advertising.
Don’t believe ads.
22. This one too
I sometimes edit reality television and (this should come as no surprise to anyone) very frequently what you’re seeing happen in no way relates to what actually happened. This is a bigger deal on shows like “Whale Wars”, where we routinely faked whole conversations/conflicts. Yeah, that boat pitching around like crazy with people flying everywhere–cobbled together from 10 different moments…
23. Free TurboTax!
If you call TurboTax technical support (1-888-777-3303) and tell them you bought a disk and it is broken, or your computer refuses to recognize it, or some other nonsense that prevents you from installing from the disk, they will provide you with a free download of the software.
I used to work at Apollo, the parent company for The University of Phoenix. We wouldn’t hire UoP graduates because we knew our degree programs were shit.
I used to work as a prep in P.F. Chang’s. Being a chinese food place, everything has to be cut up into stir-fry sized bits, so there’s a lot of prep. To protect the workers, management made us all wear cut-resistant cotton gloves. Of course, we would wear latex gloves over these to prevent cross-contamination, but since they bought really cheap latex gloves, they would inevitably break. Long story short, by the end of the day, these cut gloves would be moist with all sorts of nasty goodies: squid juice, chicken bits, etc.
As far as I could tell, they never once washed the gloves. Seriously, in the two weeks I was there before I left (fired, unrelated topic) the gloves smelled like cheese. There was no cheese in the entire kitchen.
And that’s why I don’t eat at P.F. Chang’s.
Damn good dumplings, though.
Fine Dining Chef here, worked in 4 three michelin starred restaurants. Wanna instantly get VIP status at your table when fine dining? Bring some beer for the kitchen, maybe two $7.99 cases of PBR and you’re golden. Hand them off to the hostess or Maitre’d, “these are for the cooks”, and you’ll be hooked up every time. Extra courses, soigne cuts of meat, table side truffles if in season, etc.
I used to work for a very popular valet company in downtown for about a year.
- First off, all valets are shady as fuck. Most get into it because they get to drive nice cars. Most are in high school/college and have no ambitions.
- Everybody working valet is usually high. I’m not into drugs so I wasn’t, but every 2 hours my coworkers would go get blazed in their cars.
- We get paid minimum wage. We do not get a cut of the cost of the valet. So even if it’s $20, it all goes to the company.
- Standard tip is $2-5. Good tip is like $10. Give us coins and we will most likely throw it at your car as you leave. I still remember the girl in the green explorer who gave me coins. That was like 5 years ago. We remember.
- If spots on the street are hard to come by, we will park our cars at the beginning of our shift in spots on the street. Tip us $20+ and you can get a spot on the street where you can be there all night. If you ask for a spot on the street and aren’t flashing $20+, we will say we don’t have any. But sometimes we really don’t have any.
- If we scratch your car, we will hide it. I left a huge 5 inch scratch in some old ladies door. I made sure to stand right in front of it as I opened the door for her.
- If you have drugs in your car, don’t be surprised if some of them are gone. I can think of a few times where my co-workers would pinch some weed. And yes, they will go through your shit in your car if its a slow day. We won’t steal anything big tho (no phones/cameras/gps). Other shadier people might tho.
- If the garage/lot is around the block, we pull away from the place nicely, then drive like a maniac to get there. Time is money. We run stop signs, swerve around other slow drivers/pedi-cabs.
- If the garage/lot is far away (like 4 blocks) we’ll use a customers car as a shuttle. Two people park cars, the shuttle driver drives them back to the front. Every so often we switch shuttle cars so we don’t run the gas low.
- If its a slow day, and we have a private garage just to the valet, we will joy ride in that nice mercedes/bmw. Usually just flip off the traction control and do donuts.
- If you leave the restaurant when everybody else does and there is a line for the valet, complaining will not get your car faster. Usually slower. If you’re complaining, chances are we’re not getting a tip. So no reason to go faster. If you drop a $10 or $20 on the table and tell us which car you are, you can be moved to the front of the line. Better yet, just give your ticket to your waiter when they deliver the check and by the time you come outside we’ll have your car there. If it sits there more than 10 minutes tho, we’ll repark it and be PISSED.
- Some of the valet companies don’t do much investigating when hiring valets. My friend had his driver’s license revoked and still got a job as a valet. They found out about 2 months later. But still….
If you ever need help with your iPhone, call AT&T first and they’ll connect you to Apple; if a customer is transferred from AT&T, Apple must provide technical support for free.
29. Money talks
Quietly slipping the desk agent a $20 bill can get you some very nice free room upgrades. Stick it between your credit card and license when you hand it to them, and ask if they have any upgrades available. This works especially well in Vegas or places with other very large resort style hotels. $20 is a great little tip for the agent, and they have full authority to bump you to a nicer room without getting in trouble.
I work at a big winery in California, but pretty much every winery does this.
During harvest, grapes come in by the truckload. They are picked by machines with little human intervention.
Every load has thousands, probably more, of bugs. Spiders, earwigs, everything. Also, there are usually other animals. I’ve personally seen snakes, mice, rats, bats, birds, etc go through the crusher/destemmer.
THIS ALL GOES DIRECTLY INTO THE WINE.
Fear not, though, the stuff you drink is perfectly safe. Not vegan, though.
American Mint, LLC sells “collectables” such as “the world’s smallest gold coins” and the “wild west bowie knives”. Everything is garbage, the $49.99 knife they sell you was acquired by them for $1 or less, all made in China. Any gold or silver in their coins is from the Republic of Liberia, so they probably don’t pay much for it. The .750 ounce small gold coins that are .999 fine sell for over $89.99 which is more than double their value.
They make their money by screwing people into subscriptions, then when you return the item, they say they never got it or they take 3-4 months to credit the return.
I remember when an elderly woman called in to customer service to complain that she couldn’t get her Thanksgiving dinner ingredients because the American Mint had billed her debit card without her authorization and threw her account into the negative. We heard these stories all the time from the CS reps.
In the warehouse, returns used to come in by the mail cart. They would send out about 2000 items a day, and receive about 1250 returns a day.
Everything there is junk and a terrible “investment” yet they’d like you to believe otherwise.
Also, their “certificates of authenticity” are a joke, as they never kept track of who got what number, and when the stuff came back returned, it just goes right back on the shelf with little inspection. The Certificates of Authenticity were regularly reproduced for returns & the numbers aren’t always sequential so more than likely, many people have the same certificate number.
32. Cars, baby, cars
I worked at a car dealership for 9 months. Here are a few tips on buying cars dirt cheap:
- Never, ever pay anything near MSRP. Don’t negotiate from MSRP either. A salesperson can have you feeling like you got “a deal” by dropping $1,000 from MSRP and STILL make a great commission.
- Negotiate from invoice up.
- The lowest price is not invoice – It’s triple net. Triple net means the invoice price minus the factory kickbacks minus any bonuses paid to the dealership. You CAN actually get triple net – It’s hard, though.
- Best way to get a good price? Call the internet department or the fleet manager. Ask them how much over invoice a specific car is. Usually it’ll be $100 to $500 above invoice. Make a counteroffer. Generally, when you’re dealing with internet or fleet you’ll get a decent deal.
- Anything between $0 and $200 above invoice is a pretty good deal. $200 to $400 is decent. Anything more than that you’re getting ripped off. Only exception is hot cars, new releases, etc. If a car’s been out for more than a year and you pay more than $400 over invoice, you got screwed.
- Don’t buy ANYTHING they sell you in the finance department. The $250 alarm system can be installed for $40 anywhere else. The same goes for anti-rust, etc. The only thing to consider is extended warranty, which they have a 100% markup on – NEGOTIATE.
- Buying a used car at a dealership is retarded. These guys literally buy cars at $500 and sell them for $6995. If you’re buying a used car, go on Craigslist and pay a mechanic $100 to look at it and make sure you’re getting a good deal. It’ll be far, FAR cheaper.