14. cflatjazz
She was up all night. Til two in the morning at least. Having full on sobbing fights with her fiance about hypothetical pink vests that he said he wouldn’t wear for the wedding — even though she didn’t actually want pink vests in the wedding. “Why wouldn’t you wear the pink vests if I wanted you to?! No I don’t want pink vests, but if I did why wouldn’t you wear them for me?!?!?!”
15. daecrist
Not my freshman roommate but my wife’s (just girlfriend at the time, but she’s leveled up a few times since then). The girl had no social life of her own outside of one friend who would corner you and wouldn’t. shut. up. Having no social lives or dating lives of their own they took it upon themselves to start stalking me online. Suddenly I was getting tons of hits on sites I’d put together from their dorm network (they didn’t realize I could track that) and they were showing up and signing guestbooks on old Geocities sites I’d done in high school and other crap like that.
One time I forgot my laptop in their room. Roommate decided it would be hilarious to turn it on, go through my stuff, then download a bunch of gay porn and set some of it as the background on my machine. Did I mention that this was all in the 10 minutes it took me to get to my car, realize I didn’t have my computer, and walk back up to their room? She ended up downloading a vile cocktail of viruses along with all that gay porn and I had to nuke the hard drive from orbit.
Most roommates have the courtesy to knock on the door if it’s late at night on a weekend and they know their roomie is in there with their SO, but not these two. They would unlock the door as quickly as possible, burst in, and turn on the lights with shit eating grins on their faces like they were hoping to find us boinking. We never were because we knew they were going to pull that shit.
The roommate would sit on my wife’s bed eating food and watching tv but not on her own bed. Her roommate would go through my wife’s stuff when she didn’t think she’d be around. One day my wife comes home to find that her hairbrush had been picked clean. Roommate’s friend had decided to clean it for her “to be nice.” We never found out what happened to the hair, but I pray to the FSM that it just went into the trash and not into a hairdoll.
Now that I read back over all of this I realize just how fucking creepy those two were.
