November 29, 2016

You’ll Never Be Good Enough For Them Until You’re Good Enough For Yourself

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What is the issue?
 Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies out there, love seems to be the most prominent.

We’re all searching for love so desperately. We’re all pining endlessly after what we’ve lost. And we’ve all fallen victim to ‘the chase’ at one point or another – going after the one person (even amongst a slew of others who would gladly return our affection) who cannot or will not love us back.

We desire the ones who don’t return our feelings. We ignore those who take interest in us without quandary.

And there’s a simple explanation for all of this:

We’re attracted to people who make us feel worthy.

After all – if we can get this super cool, super unavailable person to fall for us, then we must be lovable.

If we can break down someone’s walls, force them to see the best in us and get them to choose us above all their other options, that says something.

Not about them. About us. About how loveable we must be. About how deserving we are of devotion.

We hinge our senses of self-worth on whether or not the object of our desire desires us back, and as a consequence we set ourselves up for failure.

Because people can sense that kind of desperation a mile away.

Nobody wants to be entirely responsible for someone else’s self-esteem. Nobody wants to be the only reason someone else wakes up in the morning. Nobody wants to deal with the intense emotional turmoil of loving someone whose self-worth falls into pieces the moment the relationship hits a rough patch.

Because that’s an unfair amount of pressure to place on another human being.

And the second an emotionally healthy person senses that we’re pursuing them because we’re searching for validation, rather than for a genuine connection, they’re going to take that as their cue to jump ship.

As they should.

Because real relationships aren’t build on a need for validation and acceptance. Real relationships are built on connection. Mutual respect. And the ability to support one another through the rough patches, rather than falling to pieces because our individual need for validation isn’t being met.

People who already know that they’re worth of love will always be the ones who’ll have the easiest time finding it.

Because those people aren’t asking their partners to complete them. They aren’t hinging their self-worth on their relationship status. They aren’t desperate and aching for any sort of affection – forcing their partners to jump through hoops to keep them feeling ‘good enough.’

Those people know how to give and receive love freely.

Because the first person they learned to love was themselves.

And that has to be the first person we learn to love as well.

Because until we’re good enough for ourselves, we’re never going to be good enough for anybody else. TC mark

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