I Wonder If You Remember Me As Much As I Remember You

Remember when we were like the ball and chain, perfectly synchronized in our words, in our affection, in our actions? Remember that Sunday morning we spent shopping for your first trip away from home? Remember when I wanted to get my first tattoo, and how you disapproved? Remember when we sat on the kitchen floor, seeing pictures of your childhood, and that smirk that lit up your face every time you told a story?  Do you remember it all? Do you remember me?

I ask all these questions, hoping not for an answer, but an apology. I guess a girl can hold on to hope…

Here’s the thing, though. I knew who you were, we had each other figured out down to the bone. However messed up, we fit, we belonged. You were day and I was night, you swore to be angelic and I was the self-proclaimed queen of darkness. Somewhere between dusk and dawn, our paths crossed, the stars aligned and for a second there ‘we’ made sense. Little did I know…

Some day, of all the days we had been together, we exploded and I didn’t even know there was a war to begin with. It was 3 years, 1065 days, 1576800 minutes and 94608000 seconds later something about our love struck a chord with me. The way we loved just had a minuscule flaw, I never stopped and you never started. The stars-aligned, the crossroads we walked, they were merely a figment of what I had hoped for.

So long, my love, so long have I waited for words that echoed our silences, I’ve imagined an epic reunion and a heartbreaking speech where you beg me to take you back.

But look at us now. We’re the perfect strangers, synchronized in our ignorance and nonchalant behavior.

Who can tell that once upon a time we couldn’t stay without speaking to each other every second of every day. And now we pretend that our conversations never happened, that there are no Polaroids hiding under our pillows keeping us company on cold night, that we don’t know any of our fears and our dreams.

All I can think is that we make better strangers than lovers. And you make it look so easy, so it makes me wonder whether you are unforgettable, or am I just that impossible to remember?