Love is perfect when two people share and open their lives to one another. If they care and look after one another. Trust. Respect. Loyalty. These things are vital for a relationship to work. Take out one from the link and it will surely come crashing down. But what about the love that wasn’t meant to be yours? Even more painful and devastating, right? Borrowed time and borrowed love were never good ideas.
It starts like “happily ever after” feels, but ends like a war fought hard but never won. It leaves you with nothing but wounds and scars. Helpless and exhausted. Self-respect and self-worth gone. It just leaves you with wounds that may never ever heal, because even if you linger with the happy thoughts and memoirs you once shared, you still can’t avoid reminiscing about the broken promises and empty words uttered as well. That only thought that he never fought for you. He never chose you. He just simply went on with his damn life, and let you go because he was not meant to stay to begin with. Painful reality but it is reality. The truth.
Time heals all wounds they say.
As for me, it doesn’t heal anything. It just makes you get used to the debilitating pain you are feeling caused by someone you dearly love. You try to question anything and everything. Why me? And why not me? These questions remained unanswered. I am still on the search for the reasons and the answers.
Heartbreaks and heartaches. Things that change your life’s perceptions. The pain brought by heartbreaks feel like crushing your heart until it stops beating. Feels like stabs on your gut every time you breathe. If only I could skip this part, I’d give anything to reach that spot where grief is no longer felt and haunting.
He was your routine. You remember him everywhere. From your sheets, curtains and everything , you associate it with the thought of him. Wherever you look, it is still him that you want to cherish. But my dear, you just have to accept that he is gone now. He already moved on without you. He already let you go and your memories. And he is never coming back.
And now you should stand up. Pick up anything left of you. Regain your strength and your composure. Do anything that makes you happy, though in the back of your mind, it is him who’s going to make you happy. I believe acceptance is the key, but I admit, that even with myself I won’t be able to accept what was lost, or I thought so.
I lost myself in that story. And I hope I could finally end that search of my self. Not now perhaps. But I do know I will get there. Might take long for me to heal but I will be patient. For I need myself to come back.