Thought Catalog
May 7, 2014

25 Simple Guidelines That All Men Need To Remember

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1. Buy a Jeep. Take the top and doors off and then drive around with the A/C blowing on high. Life will not seem so complicated.

2. Lying and cheating doesn’t hurt people. People hurt people. So, stop hurting people.

3. When kids had big yards to mow, and lots of chores, there was no A.D.D.

4. Divorce happens. Every talk of marriage should include talk of divorce. Figure out how you’re going to do it while you still like the person. Then, stick to that plan. It’ll make both of your lives easier. And if you don’t get divorced, credit it to the fact that you both sat down and saw how screwed up divorce is.

5. If you have kids, remember that when the other parent does well, your kids do well BY DEFAULT. Encourage the other parent to finish school. Support the job promotion. Help them reconnect with their siblings. That person affects the outcome of your children more than any person on Earth, including you.

6. If you love someone, show it in unique ways. Chocolate and roses is what the last boyfriend bought her. From you, she deserves your old sweatshirt that she used to always have to steal. Now, that and a bottle of her favorite perfume (to cover up your armpit smell) is all hers.

7. The people who love you lie. They just do. But they do it to protect you. Show them that you’re invincible.

8. Wanting someone to want you will lead to the greatest physical relationship that you have ever had. How can you do that? Learn 50 different ways to kiss. Kiss her with full body contact. Kiss with no body contact. Kiss from behind. Kiss while not paying attention. Kiss fast. Kiss slow. You’ll get it.

9. Talk. Talk a lot. Talk to strangers. Talk to co-workers. Then, shut up. Once you get them talking, you will see that they have a lot to say. And you will see that they have just been waiting for someone to talk to them. You’ll feel like you got everything off your chest. It wasn’t you.

10. Politics matter. Not as much as money.

11. People are copycats. And they follow instructions well. Show people what you want and they will copy you. Tell people what to do and they will listen. Everyone is insecure. Be 1% less insecure.

12. Some people have been hurt beyond repair. Give up on them. That’s what they need. When they realize that there are no more lifelines or scapegoats, they will make the hard decision. They need to do it alone.

13. Looks matter. Look good! And make it look easy.

14. Plan for failure. Being surprised is the last thing you need when you are failing.

15. I’m serious. Make a divorce plan. Make a plan for when your mom gets breast cancer. Decide now what you are willing to lose and what you are not. Knowing that will help when you need to make the decision.

16. You can’t change uneducated people. But, a smart person can put it in terms that they can relate to. Relate to stupid/ ignorant people. You are one sometimes.

17. Money has the power to change everything. It can change good things to bad things. Bad people to good people. BUT, we all have the same amount of time in a day. And time is money. Therefore, time has the power to change everything. When you don’t have money, you still have time. Spend it.

18. Once you think it, it is only a matter of time before it happens. If you think that your relationship should end, it will eventually. If you think about cheating, you will. If you think you want to start smoking again, you will. Control your thoughts. Tell yourself what to think. That’s how your mom and dad raised you anyway.

19. Men and women are different, not equal, and it is supposed to be that way. Enjoy the fact that women are better at some things. Embrace your role as a provider. Balancing your strengths with her strengths is the only way to succeed.

20. Love something. Anything. Just have an interest. Model trains. Beauty pageants. Whatever. Just like something that puts your mind to work.

21. Children look up to you. Literally and figuratively. Be conscious of that. Be worthy of that.

22. Your parents don’t know 50% of your life experiences. You don’t know theirs. Change that.

23. Vegetables clean out your innards. Most people die from bad innards. You have two choices.

24. Men and women don’t need time apart. Men and women that aren’t a good match need time apart.

25. Look long and hard at a globe. Then, see it in person. TC Mark

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