May 3, 2012

How To Shop At Forever 21

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What is the issue?

Shopping at Forever 21 is not easy. The clothes are of questionable quality, made from materials no one has ever heard of, it’s disorganized and you’re probably going to leave disappointed. Yet in spite of this, girls keep heading back for more, hoping that one day they’ll hit the jackpot. While I can’t promise that you’ll find the perfect dress for that dinner thing, I encourage you to follow this handy guide for a positive and rewarding Forever 21 experience.

  1. Check out the Forever 21 website. Dang, there’s some okay stuff on here. You could definitely wear that skirt to work in the summer.
  2. Head to the store with a few items in mind but forget all of them when you arrive and look out onto the disorderly sea of clothes before you.
  3. Walk around really slowly and sift through the racks. Nope, no, this might be alright, definitely no.
  4. Become distracted by a weird pair of overalls and accidentally walk into a table display.
  5. Wait, is that the skirt you were looking for? It’s a lot more… yellow than on the website. And what is this made of?
  6. Pick up some items, including a few things you would never try on anywhere else. Whatever, these high waisted zebra print pants are 16 bucks, and no one you know is here to judge. You only live once, right?
  7. Get hustled into a dressing room by a disinterested 18-year-old sales associate.
  8. Wait, where are you supposed to hang your stuff? Whatever, this is Forever 21. Toss it on the floor.
  9. Try on your items and find something wrong with each one. Flaws include too short, too wide, see through in weird places and really tight in even weirder places.
  10. You chicken out on the zebra pants, but find something that doesn’t fit too terribly. I mean, it’s not the best, but you always wanted to try colored denim and it’s 12 bucks. Whatever, you’re doing this.
  11. Return 80% of your items to another disinterested 18-year-old sales associate.
  12. Make a final lap of the store searching for any last hidden gems. Find none.
  13. Get in line and have a crisis. Do you really need this? I mean, it didn’t look awful, right? Maybe with the right shoes. But like, is it really worth 20 dollars? And are you actually going to wear it or are you only getting it because it’s cheap?
  14. Dump the necklace and off the shoulder t-shirt into the discount sandal bin next to the checkout and never look back.
  15. Get called up and dump your items on the counter almost aggressively, giving the sales associate a look that says Yeah, I’m doing this. So?
  16. Whoa, 87 bucks? That added up quickly. You probably didn’t need those pants but it’s too late now.
  17. Feel a small wave of regret as you swipe your debit card.
  18. Leave the store feeling defeated even though you just bought two pairs of pants, three shirts and a pair of Rayban-like sunglasses. Yeah, you didn’t do great this time, but next time… next time you’ll find something great. TC mark
image – Thrilsmee

Georgia Wisdom

After studying English Literature in Montreal and teaching kindergarten in rural Japan, Georgia now resides in …

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