March 15, 2013

We All Need Someone To Get A Beer With

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What is the issue?
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I don’t want to go home yet but there’s nothing really do to. Well, there are things I could be doing. There always are. But I don’t feel like doing them. I need an excuse to do something else. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to be overwhelmed by social obligations and politeness. I need an excuse not to think about it, or stress about it, or worry about it.

I need someone to say, “Hey, want to grab a beer real quick?”

Everyone needs someone to grab a beer with, metaphorically speaking. You could, instead, get coffee or watch a movie. It doesn’t much matter. The point is you need someone where the relationship isn’t that deep, where the hangout is relaxed and devoid of pressure. Someone where it’s not exactly small-talk but it’s not intense either. Can’t be an ex. Can’t be someone you’re dating or want to date. Has to be a sort of neutral person. Someone you don’t feel pressure to impress. Someone who you can have comfortable silences with as you both sip your beverages. Someone who can just be there and be another person you’re with and help you kill both time and loneliness.

Sometimes you just want to go somewhere chill and not have an agenda. You want to drink in peace with one person instead of the expected weekend night shenanigans or Thirsty Thursday trek to some loud Rihanna-playing bar with a ten dollar cover and bartenders who practically invented the stink-eye.

Sometimes you want one person, a booth at a dive with graffiti all over it, and a draft beer. You want to be able to hear yourself talk and you want a bartender who looks like he was just naturally standing there and someone built this bar AROUND him.

“Grabbing a beer” is a relaxing, non-guilt inducing time waster. You say, “Yeah, I’ll just have one and then I’ll go get all my stuff done.” But secretly, you don’t want to get your stuff done. You want to forget you even have stuff. You want to sit out on some bar’s back patio with someone who doesn’t want anything from you or stress you out and you want to drink a beer. You want to get to know someone with ease. Or to not talk at all. You can’t go get a beer alone, because that’s not entirely what you want. You would like some human company. You would like to have someone to share this nice weather with and to talk to if you so feel like it. You need your one person to grab a beer with.

Find your person. If you already know who they are, do not take them for granted. They are your island in a stream, your one true hope, your oasis in the desert. They’re not just asking you to go grab a beer. They’re asking you to escape with them for a while. It’s beautiful.

They’re the same person you can go see a movie with and not feel any pressure to talk during it or hold their hand or make it a whole “night.” They’re the person who is down for the “low-key, chill” Friday evening re-watching “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” They want to get coffee in the middle of the workday for 30 minutes and then head back to your respective offices, no sweat.

They’re a very specific type of friend and if you treasure them, you’ll never truly be alone. TC Mark

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn is a writer, comedian, journalist and Jesse Eisenberg enthusiast living in Los Angeles. Email her at: …

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