February 19, 2013

The Most Interesting Info From The HBO Beyonce Documentary

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In case you don’t want to watch the whole thing, here’s my version of the highlights, so you can keep up with your Beyonce-obsessed buddies:

Beyonce: “Thank God for my computer.”

Beyonce, it seems, basically vlogs her entire life. She carries her Mac around and records herself in the elevator, in her bedroom, on the hotel’s room, in the dark. She talks out loud to herself in to the computer when no one is around to help sort out her decisions and feelings. That means there’s a hard drive somewhere full of Beyonce musings. SOMEONE STEAL IT FOR ME. Jkjk. But does she know she can get a smaller camera? Maybe no one has told her!

She feels the paparazzi and the fascination with her personal life influences the way people see her art in a way they didn’t in the past.

Namecheck: Nina Simone.

She’s surrounded by Yes Men.

She participates in an album listening taste party pre-release and everyone gives her a standing ovation. The guy in charge is all, “Oh my god, nothing has ever sounded like this!” Which is…a bit much. I don’t know how it’s usually done, but I imagine they probably tell every artist that to their faces, right? She also got rid of her management and people are constantly trying to brown nose their way into a better position.

She calls herself an artist multiple times, which is nice.

She really feels she is an artist.

Her nephew is a prodigy?

He speaks French! He meditates! He’s six! Pretty cute, and impressive.

She and Jay-Z are adorable.

He’s her best friend! “It’s every woman’s dream to feel this way about someone.” They sing Coldplay to each other!

She can really, really sing.

If you didn’t already know that, you should watch this:

Her twin dancers are also French and hilarious.

Twins!

She’s always thinking about women.

“We all need each other,” she says. She feels like it’s her duty to support other women and she loves talking to women because she feels like we all have the same insecurities and power. It was really nicely put actually. Then it was followed by a clip of Solange, Beyonce and Kelly Rowland singing “Lovefool” by the Cardigans into her computer. Who run this mother? Girls!

She works really hard.

Her father basically withheld his love in order to make sure she was always working harder and trying to get to the next level, to get better. She taught her about drive, but he didn’t put up boundaries between his “client” and his “daughter.” Beyonce has a lot of control issues, sensitivity and a very strict work ethic in response. Watching her rehearse her Billboard performance well into the night, alone in the hotel hallway, how can you not think she deserves her success?

She had a miscarriage.

Two years ago, Beyonce was pregnant but the baby ended up having no heartbeat. The experience caused her to write “the saddest song” she’d ever written. Her miscarriage had been alluded to by Jay-Z in his song “Glory” but this was the first Beyonce had spoken of it. She was crushed. Writing the song was therapeutic for her. (This is so, so sad. They had picked out names and everything.)

She looks positively radiant talking about feeling Blue Ivy kick. All the “Beyonce birthers” need to get the eff out.

Business and being polite do not go together.

Becoming her own manager made her more assertive, even if it comes across bitchy. But she’s not spoiled. And she seems really grateful for her life and aware of how lucky she is.

This baby looks just like Jay-Z!
This baby looks just like Jay-Z!

All in all, the negative reviews were being too harsh on her. She comes across pretty self-aware in some parts and in other parts, she’s clearly no worse than any other celebrity, in some ways, she’s better. She seems like she’s trying to deal with anxiety, fear, and control issues, which is about right for someone who has had her pretty abnormal, public life. Everything she said was very reasonable and relatable, I thought. If you were surrounded by people who FREAKED out at your presence, you’d have a lot of conflicting feelings about your importance, life, privacy, etc. She seems like a good person who works hard and sings well, which is all I really want from a pop star anyway. Good job, Beyonce! You seem like a person! TC Mark

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn is a writer, comedian, journalist and Jesse Eisenberg enthusiast living in Los Angeles. Email her at: …

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