Mary Poppins Is A Timelord And Other Unprovable Pop Culture Theories

Jan. 29, 2013
Gaby Dunn is a writer, journalist and comedian in New York City. She is an editor at Thought Catalog and a ...

There are tons of these if you scour around the internet but I realized I had a few of my own. So without looking at Google, I wrote them up here. Then, I checked if other people had thought of these too. Some of them had been considered. But some (like the first one below), I couldn’t find references to anywhere. (I’m actually really surprised.)

So anyway, here are some of my personal pop culture theories. I’d love to hear more in the comments! Or tell me why mine can’t possibly be right. Fun!

Faith is one of Echo’s imprints (Joss Whedon’s Universe)

So we’re introduced to Faith, the dark vampire slayer, in Joss Whedon’s ‘Buffy.’ She is played by actress Eliza Dushku. Later, Joss Whedon makes another show called ‘Dollhouse’ starring Eliza Dushku as a “doll” named Echo. Dolls are people who sign over their lives to be imprinted with different personalities and essentially whored out to clients. Dushku’s Echo plays a hostage negotiator, a sexy girlfriend, a wife, a spy, a mother, etc.

While re-watching ‘Buffy’ recently, I actually had the delightful thought that maybe “Faith” is just one of Echo’s imprints. Faith comes and goes from the Scoobies’ lives. The Dollhouse and Sunnydale are both in California. Maybe when Faith was in that coma, Echo was really just deactivated and resting. Maybe the Mayor was her handler and that’s why she trusted him so much.

Didn’t it always strike you as strange, the whole exception of there being two slayers? Maybe that’s because Faith was never a real slayer. She was a doll.

Mary Poppins is a Time Lord (Doctor Who)

This is apparently a widespread theory, which I just found out through Googling. Mary Poppins, the quirky nanny from the titular film, is actually a timelord ala ‘Doctor Who.’

Mary shows up, flying into these children’s house. Her bag is bigger on the inside and able to hold a lot more than it looks like it could. She wears a bowtie. She’s British. She has a bunch of wacked-out friends and she takes the children on adventures. She can talk to animals. She only hangs out temporarily but then she’s gotta take off and travel some more. She helps people in need.

Hell, she may not just be a Timelord; She may actually be The Doctor. Maybe Matt Smith regenerates into Julie Andrews.

If you Google it, you’ll find even more about this theory. It’s super plausible. (There’s also people talking about how this works for James Bond. 007 is a time lord! Neat!)

JK Rowling is Ginny Weasley (Harry Potter)

This theory started for me when I saw pictures of JK Rowling with her husband, who looks strikingly like a grown up Harry Potter. And then I found out she was originally a redhead (see photo above).

So my theory goes that JK Rowling was Ginny Weasley, living in the magical world and she gained permission to write up her husband’s miraculous and amazingly brave life story and sell it as fiction in the Muggle world. Everything in ‘Harry Potter’ is true and “JK Rowling” is a made-up person. Her husband is the actual Harry Potter and when they’re not doing press, they live back in the wizarding world.

I mean, look at her. She looks like a grown up Ginny! Also, I sort of just want ‘Harry Potter’ to be real. (But LOOK at her husband! Am I wrong?)

Indiana Jones is what Han Solo is dreaming about when he’s in the carbonite chamber (Star Wars)

I’ve always thought this would be awesome, but it turns out it’s another one people have, of course, already thought of. When I Googled, I also found this screenshot of R2D2 and C-3PO carved on one of the walls in ‘Indiana Jones.’ (Neat Easter egg.)

The theory goes that while Han is in carbonite he dreams that he is an archeologist called Indiana Jones and he equates the Nazi army to the stormtroopers. That would explain why Han Solo and Indy are so similar in gruff, sassy personality and, obviously, why they look the exact same.

It would also explain the whole “Crystal Skull” aliens thing. Please. Someone explain that. TC Mark

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn is a writer, journalist and comedian in New York City. She is an editor at Thought Catalog and a …

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