January 22, 2013

Lily Allen Is Better At Boy-Bashing Songs Than Taylor Swift

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Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons

Taylor Swift gets all the credit/criticism for her songs about shitty exes and meanwhile, the hilarious and just-as-spot-on Lily Allen gets a pass/ignored. Is it because everything sounds classier in a British accent? If you’ve got a terrible ex, you really need some music to jam to and I posit that the songstress for you is one Lily Allen.

Put away the T-Swizzle and let’s get real.

“Not Fair”

I love this song. What a specific, yet totally relatable circumstance. This guy is great and sweet and you love him but then he’s TOTALLY selfish and clueless in bed. I’m always super perplexed by this. How can he think he doesn’t have to get you off if you got him off? That’s like, the most obvious thing in the world to me. In this song, Lily’s got a boyfriend who doesn’t “make her scream” and it’s just downright mean.

“Not Big”

Oh man, if you think Taylor Swift has the monopoly on “way harsh, Tai,” you clearly haven’t heard this song. The whole thing is about how her ex’s penis was small. Then, she threatens to sleep with all his friends. It’s so brutal. I love the lines “You’re not big / You’re not clever / Not big whatsoever.”

“I Could Say”

You grow up and you grow out of these bad relationships. You realize you deserve more and you have your whole life ahead of you. Turns out that boyfriend wasn’t as important as he fancied himself after all. Lyrics: “You always made it clear that you hated my friends / You made me feel so guilty when I was running round with them /And everything was always about being cool / And now I’ve come to realize there’s nothing cool about you at all.”

“F-ck You”

This is about a-holes in general, but it’s a really great anthem for a dickhead ex too. Especially if they were racist or hated gay people. But also, it’s cathartic to scream the F-word when someone is being terrible. Taylor Swift could never do that.

“Smile”

Old-school Lily crushing men. At first, when she sees her ex cry, it makes her smile so this is an excellent revenge track. WAY tougher than Swift’s “Better Than Revenge” in which she mistakenly takes on the girl who took her ex instead of her dumb ex. Band together ladies! It’s not the girl’s fault. You shouldn’t be mad at her. Like Lily here, you should be mad at the guy who was an ass to you. He’s the real person deserving of your revenge.

“Knock ‘Em Out”

An anti-catcalling anthem. I love this song. LOVE IT. This should be mandatory listening for anyone who bothers a girl on the street. It paints perfectly the dilemma of trying to be nice to get away safely, but not wanting to be too nice as to encourage the cat-caller. Whereas Taylor lives in fantasy, Lily sings about real-life, real-world freaking problems for women. She’s a way better choice if you’re feeling down about boys than the obvious choice. Forget Swift. Go Allen all the way for your boy-bashing needs. (Or listen to both. Times are tough.) TC Mark

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn is a writer, comedian, journalist and Jesse Eisenberg enthusiast living in Los Angeles. Email her at: …

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