15 1/2 Ways To Know You’re Indecisive
1. You change clothes every morning more than 10 times. The minute you walk out your door, you immediately hate what you’ve chosen to wear and have no time to go back and change thus ruining your day.
2. You keep your whole table waiting for 30 mins at the restaurant because you don’t know if you want the chicken or the fish. Then, the waiter tells you they’re out of the fish and it’s another 30 mins until you decide you just want a dessert.
3. You never start a blog or Twitter because you’re too worried about what people would think of your writing.
4. You always spend way too much money at the grocery store because you never stick to your list and the sight of all the different options confuses you too much.
5. Your partner asks if you want to go out or stay in this weekend and instead of answering, you curl into a ball and cry.
6. You swirl your ice cream, all seven flavors.
7. Even worse, you’re the person at Pinkberry or 16 Handles who puts a little of every frozen yogurt into one small cup and then actually taste it and want to cry. Why can’t you just choose one?!
8. You never commit to dating any one person because you have multiple people on the line — and you’re not happy about it. That’s the catch. This is fine unless you’re constantly bitching about how you want a steady boyfriend or girlfriend and it’s only a decision away.
9. You go shopping intending to get one skirt and end up maxing out your charge cards getting it in every color because you can’t possibly decide.
10. You get the feeling you should walk one way and then when you walk the other way, it’s like part of you went the other way and you spend the next few hours worrying about the parallel universe you probably just created and what’s happening to “other you” and what if this you is now stuck on a terrible path all because you didn’t walk the way you “felt” you were “supposed” to? (Hello? Anyone else? Help.)
11. You change your Facebook cover photo legit every 30 seconds. What about this particular landscape of a lake is better, pray tell, than the last landscape picture of a lake? I DON’T GET IT. This didn’t need to change.
12. Someone asking you who your favorite band is is your idea of actual Hell.
13. You didn’t vote in the election. Too stressful, right?
14. You constantly have this conversation: “Oh I don’t know. Whatever you want to do.” “No, I’ll do whatever you want to do.” “Me too. So like, what do you want to do?” Oh, I’ll tell you guys want to do — why don’t you slap each other in the face for a couple hours and call it a night?
15. You change TV channels faster than Dirty Harry could draw his gun. JUST PICK SOMETHING, OMG.
15 1/2. Unsure of whether this list should be 15 or 16. Settle on 15 1/2. Still hate it.
A | A | A
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.