10 Strategies For Dealing With How Freaking Cold It Is
When I first moved to Boston from Florida, I had never owned gloves or a scarf. I bought my first set at the H&M on Newbury Street. I also got my first heavy winter coat — a floor-length puffy number that I wore September to April. (Guys, I was from Miami. Cut me some slack. Boston’s winter was like immersion therapy.)
What I’m saying is: I am not built for this kind of weather. Right now, at least where I live in New York City, it is so, so, so mind-numbingly cold. It’s the type of cold that physically hurts. Here are some of the ways I deal with it. If anyone has added strategies I’d love to hear them before my poor fingers freeze off.
1. Blow dry your body with a blow dryer.
I have done this. I regret nothing.
2. Wear sweatpants and long underwear under your jeans
As Andrew Garfield once said, “LAYER UP, ASSHOLE.” (That’s what he said, right?)
3. Go stand inside a laundromat
This is for when you’re out and about and simply can’t stand it anymore. It also smells good in there. Bonus!
4. Walk over the subway grates.
They blow hot, gross air up to your legs. Just try not to think about how disgusting that air is. It’s super warm though!
5. Space heaters and coffee
6. A heating pad or mini-warmer pads
For when you’re not in bed, there’s these little beanbag things you can pop open and they’re hot. Duct tape those all over your body, I guess.
7. Taking a hot shower
If you can manage to get your clothes off to do so.
8. Hot toddies
The drinking doesn’t have to stop just because a cool, refreshing no longer sounds appetizing. Why not try this hot, alcoholic beverage: the hot toddy. There’s whiskey and cinnamon and lots of goodness. You’re welcome.
9. Talk to yourself or make noise while you walk.
I know this sounds psychotic, but I do it under my breath to keep my mind off the cold. One time, I passed a young lady on the street who was making yelping noises and when I looked over, she laughed and said she does it to make herself feel better in the cold. Then, we both had a good stranger-laugh. So you know, if you do this, you’re not alone. (Not clear on how effective it is but give it a try.)
10. Do not go outside.
Here’s the problem with this one though: we have to. Also, I don’t know about anyone else but my apartment is for some stupid reason just as cold as being outside. (Thanks, landlord.) So I guess the answer is that we all start making it socially acceptable to wear your comforter outdoors.
We are the world, guys. We can do this together.
A | A | A
10. I may have all the rights I need, but many others don’t.
Dear Liam, I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills.
18. It helps if your cat can grow a mustache.
Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is.