December 23, 2012

A Playlist For Your Bad Boyfriend

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If you’ve ever dated a complete tool, you know that relationship needed a soundtrack. Lucky for us romance idiots, there are plenty of songs about bad boyfriends (or girlfriends). Taylor Swift’s made a whole career out of it, but the topic spans eras and genres. Everyone’s got at least one regrettable relationship in their past. Maybe you’re still in it, trying to convince yourself it’s worth it or that you can change them. While you figure out that it’s not gonna last, check out these songs about a-hole partners.

Portions For Foxes – Rilo Kiley

“You’re bad news. I don’t care. I like you.” Oh Jenny Lewis. Sweetheart, no. This is not romantic. This is like you said, bad news bears.

Bum Like You – Robyn

This is a personal favorite. You know the person you’re with is just not good enough for you but somehow that makes you feel powerful instead of shitty. “My new favorite thing to do is waste my time with a bum like you.”

I Knew You Were Trouble – Taylor Swift

Or you know, any Taylor Swift song ever. This one’s a new one, so I’ll it on here to seem like I know what the kids are listening to.

Gold Guns Girls – Metric

Everyone knows or has dated someone like this but Metric gets that impossible-to-please asshole’s number down pat here.

Foundations – Kate Nash

Ugh. Brutal. Just brutal. Relationships like this are so common and so terrible. Why do we hold on to people who make us behave like this?

Back To Black – Amy Winehouse

Or any Amy Winehouse song. “Tears Dry On Their Own” works too.

Poison – Bell Biv Devoe

This one might be more suited for those that date women, but Bell Biv Devoe has some solid advice for us all: Never trust a big butt and a smile.

Window – Fiona Apple

Cheaters suck and Fiona Apple is a goddess. Sometimes someone treats you so poorly you just gotta bust a window.

Trick Me – Kelis

This one’s a bit more unforgiving than other songs about bad boyfriends. It seems like Kelis is not down to be tricked again. If you’re at that stage with your bad boyfriend, great for you.

Bad Boyfriend – Garbage

The title says it all.

Linger – Cranberries

Karaoke staple. “Linger” is the perfect term for someone who you just can’t get rid of no matter how terrible they are.

Say My Name – Destiny’s Child

This is the ultimate test. That guy better be able to say your name, or else he is in for a world of hurt.

(Doo Wop) That Thing – Lauryn Hill

“Girl, you know you better watch out.” Thank you for the advice, Lauryn Hill.

Bathwater – No Doubt

Gwen Stefani has tons of songs about the insecurity of being with a bad boyfriend, but this one takes the cake. She’d do anything just to bathe in his dirty bathwater. It sounds extreme but if you’re totally coo-coo bananas over a jerk, you can probably relate.

Flavor of the Weak – American Hi-Fi

Whatever. Don’t judge. You know you love it. Plus, the video parodies ‘Heavy Metal Parking Lot.’ Just get into it.

Just A Friend – Biz Markie

This one is also for those that date women. Biz Markie tells the sad tale of being duped by a femme fatale who claims other dudes are just friends. Uh huh. Sure.

Why Don’t You Love Me? – Beyonce

The ultimate. First, Beyonce looks beautiful here and second, ugh this just captures everything. You deserve so much better, girl. We all deserve better. TC Mark

image – s_bukley

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn is a writer, comedian, journalist and Jesse Eisenberg enthusiast living in Los Angeles. Email her at: …

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