The Best Stand Up Comedy Bits About Sex
Comedians love talking about sex — possibly because it’s a universal equalizer that usually immediately gets audiences on board, or maybe because they’re usually so hilariously bad at it that sharing stories is the only way to heal. Either way, here are some of the best stand up comedy bits about sex. Share your favorites, or any I missed, in the comments! I’m sure I’m forgetting some brilliant ones.
Steve Martin – Sex Jokes
Old school Steve Martin talking about sex? It’s mostly funny and a little uncomfortable. “Amateur phalactics” is so perfectly early Steve Martin, I almost can’t handle it.
Dave Attell – Skanks for the Memories
All of Attell’s “Skanks for the Memories” album is brilliant, particularly one bit I can’t find online where he takes a girl home from a bar and she calls him all kinds of superhero names in bed…only for him to realize she’s reading his sheets. (Listen, it’s better when he does it, for good reason.)
Chelsea Handler – Sex Toys
Chelsea Handler, known for including a sex tape on her reel as a joke, definitely has her share of sex jokes. Here she takes on sex toys, pregnancy and making bad purchases on eBay. (I actually love Chelsea Handler, which is weirdly a controversial statement.)
Chris Rock has PLENTY of sex jokes. Just Google “Chris Rock” and “sex” and you’d find the motherload. Here are two somewhat recent ones.
Jim Jefferies – Sex Responsibilities
Okay, so I find Jim Jefferies repulsive but the man has written a whole lot for his act about having sex. It’s rude, it’s crude and I disagree on so many levels, but the writing’s there — when someone can make you laugh through shaking your head, he’s doing something comedically right.
Sarah Silverman – The Porn Song
Oh dude, this is dark. But it’s typical Silverman fare, and it’s actually her usual great mix of messed up and whimsical. If you thought f-cking Matt Damon was intense, check this out.
Patrice O’Neal – Safe Sex
Patrice O’Neal isn’t the best at female relations but he’s got some choice bits about sex — here’s a great one about condoms and safe sex from his Comedy Central special. O’Neal passed away recently, but his jokes live on.
George Carlin – Prostitution
A pro-sex worker joke from George Carlin! If sex is legal and paying for things is legal, why isn’t paying for sex legal? “Why should it be illegal to sell something it’s perfectly legal to give away?”
Richard Pryor – Women’s Orgasms
Richard Pryor just learned that women sometimes don’t have orgasms and it blew his mind. While he’s doing serious work, his lady isn’t feeling anything and now his anxiety about her not having fun in bed is at an all time high.
Amy Schumer – Porn Endings
This is from Amy Schumer’s newest special aptly titled, “Mostly Sex Stuff.” While she loves porn, she has some issues with the endings — namely the jizzing on the face parts.
Raaaaaandy (Aziz Ansari) – Death by Eating Pussy
For the movie Funny People, Aziz Ansari became a character called Raaaaandy, which is like if Soulja Boy did stand up comedy. In one of his Randy bits, Ansari talks about how baller it would be if he died while eating pussy.
Monique – Butt Licking
You can not have a sexual stand up list without including old school Monique. That shit is sooooo real. It’s so real. If you really want to see the Queens of Comedy talking sex with NO SHAME HOLY HELL, read this Jezebel interview with them from a while ago. That, and their stand up specials, are certainly sexually eye-opening.
Louis CK – Saddest Handjob in America
CK has a lot of bits about sad sexual situations but this one takes the cake. With two kids running around making her exhausted, his wife doesn’t want to have sex or blow him but she does offer the saddest handjob in America. Yikes.
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But you cannot be the exception to the rule. You cannot try to use your love to fix someone who is broken.
The first dilemma of the day is whether you will eat breakfast at home or in the office.
1. Melodramatic cataclysmic 6-year-affair. Thought he saw tattoo above my ass, it was really temporary glitter. Pencil dick. Masturbated into black dress socks only. Wrote a screenplay about me. 2. Psoriasis-ridden.
My parent’s divorce has played a huge role in my life, as it usually does for all divorced children. The effects have been both quite obvious – like being really good at packing an overnight bag – to almost subconscious.