April 6, 2012

The 15 Best Teen Sex Comedies

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What is the issue?

I’ve spent years refining my taste in comedy so I wish I could explain why there is still nothing funnier to me than raunchy teen failures.

Genre be damned, I embrace the art of the teen sex comedy cliche! I want the 2D characters. I want the bland acting. I want the inevitable party scene where the protagonist’s parents are out of town and someone jumps into the pool. I want the keg and the hot tub and the girls who definitely aren’t teenagers. I want frat bros and science geeks, clearly defined. I want: “SOMEONE AT THIS HIGH SCHOOL PARTY JIZZED IN A RED SOLO CUP AND ANOTHER PERSON MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY DRINK IT!!!! LOL.”

I want to escape to an uncomplicated world of immature characters whose only motivations are to get laid before graduation. It’s why I enjoyed MTV’s sexual train wreck Undressed.

Here are 15 of the best teen sex comedies. Gear up for some gross adventures.

1. American Pie (1999)

I might be the only person amped to see American Reunion. So what is there to say about its granddaddy American Pie? I saw it when I was way too young and it led me to believe sex was just a big ol’ mess 24/7. This actually damaged me less than every “sex-should-be-perfect” romantic movie.

There were no high expectations in danger of being deflated after seeing Jason Biggs put his dong in a pastry. That day, I became a realist.

2. Animal House (1978)

Animal House is the ruler of all teen sex comedies. If I were Stefan from SNL, I’d say, “This movie has everything: college antics, toga parties, frat guys, cougar sex, John Belushi, accidentally frenching a tween, vomiting on professors…” and leave it at that.

3. The Girl Next Door (2004)

The Girl Next Door flew out of theaters, hardly making an impact because the marketing for this cute little movie played like it was all genitals and no heart. Sure, a bunch of nerds take porn stars to the prom, but there’s also a sweet, non-judgey lesson in the end!

4. Losin’ It (1983)

Most people’s favorite Tom Cruise sex comedy is Risky Business but like Jamie Foxx once sang, “let’s get unpredictable.” Cruise, a high schooler heading to Mexico to lose his virginity, is still pre-Katie Holmes, pre-Scientology levels of hot. There’s no subway train sex, but it’s still pretty great.

5. Easy A (2010)

Patricia Clarkson. Stanley Tucci. Emma Stone. Dan Humphrey. 80s nostalgia. Perfection.

6. Van Wilder (2002)

The early ’00s were ridiculous. Tara Reid was still a viable leading lady. Future President of the United States Kal Penn was a sexually-incapable Indian stereotype. A bunch of d-bags ate dog semen hidden inside desserts. (I still retch thinking about this scene. Great work, Van Wilder.)

7. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

It’s not really a raunchy sex comedy but David Krumholtz does get a penis drawn on his face in public. I’m gonna count it.

8. Porky’s (1982)

The 80s were prime time for teen sex comedies, but Porky’s is the one that inspired them all. Losing your virginity as a be-all-end-all to high school? Check. Prostitutes? Check. Peeping on girls in the locker room shower as an endearing adolescent activity? Yikes. Reluctant check.

9. Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

A total classic. There’s Greek life, panty raids, toplessness, and general sexual tomfoolery. But the older I get, the more problems I have with the iconic Darth Vader mask sex scene. I mean…it ends up okay and is supposed to be a triumph for the nerds, but like, she doesn’t know it’s him so…um, I can’t fully get on board. I’m all for the nerd protagonists getting their Ds wet, but not at the expense of a lady’s consent. Once again, double yikes.

10. Road Trip (2000)/Eurotrip (2004)

These movies are different, but I always equate them like Eurotrip is a sequel to Road Trip. (Is it? Wait, no… right?) Highlights: A brother and sister make out! Mishaps involving videotaped sex! DJ Qualls! Scotty Doesn’t Know!

Lesson: Basically if you travel anywhere, crazy sex is going to happen.

11. Eating Out (2004)

Let’s talk gay teen sex comedies. First of all, they exist! Eating Out is one wacky LGBTQ college misunderstanding after another. Come for the premise, stay for the fantastically weird phone sex scene. (Youtube it!)

12. Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

Don’t care. So bad. SO funny. You know you pause when it’s re-running on Comedy Central.

13. The Last American Virgin (1982)

This movie is so 80s it’s listening to Flock of Seagulls and doing cocaine as you read this. Moral of the story: deliver pizzas to a lonely lady and she’ll probably have sex with you and your friends? Or at least, your friends. Sorry, nerd. Try a Vader mask next time? Or actually, please don’t.

14. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Everyone talks about Phoebe Cates in the red bikini and bumbling Sean Penn, but some serious issues are tackled in Ridgemont. There’s premature ejaculation! Everyone’s high! Jennifer Jason Leigh gets an abortion! You crazy kids!

15. Superbad (2007)

…AND THEN — OH GOD — SHE GETS HER PERIOD ON HIS PANTS. GUYS. I CAN’T. I’M DONE. TC mark

image – Amazon

Gaby Dunn

Gaby Dunn is a writer, comedian, journalist and Jesse Eisenberg enthusiast living in Los Angeles. Email her at: …

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