Thought Catalog
February 17, 2017

This Is How I’m Going To Be The Asshole This Time

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What is the issue?
 Eder Oliveira
Eder Oliveira

I’ll stop showing you all the ways I want you. I won’t tell you I miss you. I won’t tell you I love you. I won’t tell you anything. In fact, I’m going to build my walls so high and my ego higher. When you ask me “what’s wrong,” I’ll ask you to stop it. I’ll tell you to stay out of it, I’ll tell you to worry about yourself.

I’ll not save your number on my phone. I’ll delete all the texts and the pictures; I’ll get rid of the memories. I’ll leave your calls unanswered and your texts unread. If I decide to get hold of you, I’ll do it when I want something from you. I’ll call you when I need validation or when I am just lonely. I’ll be busy all day, all week and on weekends.

I’ll make you an option not a priority. I’m going to treat you like you mean nothing to me, like we mean nothing to me. I’ll show you how unchanged my life stays without you.

I’ll spend time with people who are interested in me that I have no intention in having something with just to make you jealous and insecure. I’ll start keeping things away from you. I’ll give you a million and one reasons to not trust me. I’ll be on my phone most of the time when we are together. I’ll ask you to leave, I’ll tell you I have some place better to be. I’ll pretend that I don’t remember what your favorite song is or what you like to have for breakfast. I’ll start doing the things that upset you just to get under your skin. I’ll stop putting effort to be a decent human being. I’ll be lousy with your heart, I’ll be lousy with you in general.

I’ll abandon you emotionally slowly. I’ll leave you on your own trying to make us work. I’ll let you go to bed heartbroken. I won’t be there when you ask me for help. I’ll become unreachable when you need me the most. And when you ask me about it, I’ll tell you that I don’t owe you anything. I’ll make excuses instead of promises. I’ll fight just for the sake of fighting. I’ll blame you for my lack of initiative, for my laziness. I’ll rock your world and have you question everything you know. I’ll leave you with a lot of questions that are driving you CRAZY. I’ll become unpredictable in a way that scares you. One day I’m so in love with you and the next day you are the problem. I’ll make you feel that you’ll never be good enough for me and that you are the one at the same time.

I’ll kiss you like I mean it. I’ll touch you in a way that heals. I’ll look you in the eye so deeply that brings you weak to your knees. I’ll whisper in your ears all that you have been dying to hear.

Basically, I’ll become your worst nightmare right after you thought I was safe. I’ll leave you surely but slowly. I’ll disappear out of your life like no big deal. I’ll be the one who got away. I’ll be the one you want but can’t have. I’ll be the woman of your dreams who turned out to be an illusion, a lie, a chaotic mistake. All just a brief on how I’ll be the asshole this time. The rest, I’ll leave to your imagination. Or, I might have a change of heart and show you instead.  TC mark

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