Thought Catalog
June 20, 2017

There’s Nothing Cute About Anxiety

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What is the issue?
Amanda Dalbjörn

Anxiety is waking up at 3AM in a pool of tears because you’re sure your brother is about to commit suicide even when he’s sleeping right beside you. You cry because even bad thing that has happened to him comes flooding right back and you feel like the person most responsible. It’s feeling like you can’t do anything about it and there are no ways out of it.

Anxiety is stopping your mother from taking that business trip because YOU’RE SURE the plane will explode in mid-air. You just have this clawing feeling in your stomach, and when she says you’re delirious all you can do is pray and cry yourself to sleep begging God not to take her away. All of it feels like your fault because you tried to stop her but you didn’t do enough.

Anxiety is crying yourself to sleep because you just KNOW the house will burn and your father will die trying to save all of you. The scenario of your dad trapped inside the barred windows, which ironically were there to protect you, keeps replaying in your head. You know you can’t stop it but at the end of the day, it was your fault for not telling anyone.

Anxiety is thinking how everyone is out to get you. Your friends are plotting revenge on you because you bumped the most popular girl in school. I bet they tell everyone you’re so annoying and no one will ever want to talk to you again. Your parents are stalking you and they check your every move. You feel like you can’t trust what they say and they’re out to get you. You feel like no one’s on your side and you’re the only one who can defend yourself.

Anxiety is feeling like the world is dying but all you can do is sit there and do nothing. Anxiety is checking up every minute until 4 AM if your dog is still breathing because you don’t trust the vet when they told you he’s fully recovered. Anxiety is feeling like everyone turned against you just because you’re you. Anxiety is the extreme guilt for not doing anything for something that hasn’t and will never happen. Anxiety is waiting for his reply thinking he already crashed his car and that’s why he’s not answering.

Anxiety is real, and there’s nothing cute about it. TC mark