25 Ways That Listicles Threaten To Rip Out Your Soul

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1.

Weep as the umpteenth bored 20-something insinuates you’re going to die alone whilst petting a chicken in your mother’s basement.

2.

Die a little inside at the umpteenth use of “20-something.”

3.

Plan your next *~TRaVeL ADveNtuRE~*.

4.

Have an existential breakdown at the size of your savings account and 401K. #helpmeimpoor

5.

Seriously contemplate quitting your job to join a traveling circus.

6.

Stop partying so much and settle down. No, keep partying you’re young&wild&free. No, stop partying you’re a fucking adult.

7.

Ugh. Youths.

8.

Am I a basic bitch? Definitely not. (You are.)

9.

Question every single interaction you’ve ever had with a member of the opposite sex.

10.

Wonder where the term “friend-fat” came from and why you suddenly need to trim it.

11.

OMG, THAT’S WHY HE DIDN’T TEXT ME BACK?!

12.

Yeah, but weed doesn’t count.

13.

I need to start putting what on my face?

14.

Being single ROX.

15.

Relationships are everything. Singletons are just crones-waiting-to-happen whose only fulfillment comes from shopping carts full of empty plastic bags.

16.

I miss my parents.

17.

What men *actually* want in bed is equally as informative and as it is horrifying.

18.

YOU WANT ME TO START THINKING ABOUT KIDS?!?! I THREW UP IN AN UBER LAST NIGHT.

19.

Can’t wait to go out on the town this weekend.

20.

Can’t wait to sip red wine this weekend while rehearsing pick-up lines on Tinder matches as I consider getting my first Brazilian wax.

21.

Holy shit, I’m Bridget Jones.

22.

Feel like you’re doing *it* all wrong.

23.

Feel like you’re doing *it* all right.

24.

Nope, you’re doing *it* wrong.

25.

Fuck. The. Lists. (Whatever happened to free will and paragraphs, #amiright?)