Thought Catalog
January 3, 2017

Don’t Fall In Love With An Introvert Unless You Can Promise These 8 Things

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1. Promise that you’ll let them love their solitude.
The first relationship an introvert has is with themselves. It’s not even just about needing alone time (though, that’s important too) but about encouraging their growth. They need a bit of independence in order to develop into the person they are supposed to be.

2. Promise that you’ll take things slow. Introverts enter into relationships because they like you, not because they need to be with just anyone. This means that they aren’t ones to jump in with both feet. They want to get to know you and create a relationship that is as unique as you guys are, based on the two of you rather than what works for everyone else.

3. Promise that you’ll never be satisfied with the surface level. Introverts live in a deeper world and we’re not satisfied with small talk. An introvert’s nightmare is to go out to dinner with their love and have nothing to talk about. Be open to talking about deeper issues. Ideas, not things or people. Have the curiosity and empathy necessary to talk about everything under the sun, even what you disagree about.

4. Promise that you will never, ever make her the center of an embarrassing display of attention. She may not want to be a wallpaper all the time but she’s probably not going to be the girl who LOVES getting sung “Happy Birthday” to at a restaurant or being the target of a prank you film hoping to go viral on YouTube. (I mean those things are just cringey and you should not do that to anyone, but especially your introvert).

5. Promise that you be your own person.
There’s nothing that turns an introvert off like neediness. They want to be with another interesting, independent adult — not a clingey baby who needs them in order to survive. There’s a normal amount of times you lean on your partner in a relationship — and that’s fine — just make sure you maintain some of your independence and avoid making them your whole life.

6.Promise that you’ll be gentle in conflict. Introverts have big hearts, even those that hide it well. When you say nasty words in the heat of the moment, the hurt lingers. Remember that your love for her will last longer than whatever you’re angry about and choose your words accordingly.

7. Promise that you’ll make time together quality time together. It’s not enough to just be in the same room if you’re on your phone or laptop the entire time or if you’ve invited other people over. We need time to connect with you. Promise that you’ll be open to nights that don’t include the TV and dates that focus on strengthening your emotional and intellectual connection.

8. Promise that you will express your feelings. Introverts aren’t afraid of getting the the heart of the matter. We desire a relationship that feels open and full of deep connection. Please be totally open with us and reaffirm our connection often. TC mark