Long after an unhappy relationship ends in cheating, the paranoia and humiliation can permeate your new relationships, even when they’re healthy. If your partner is doing some of these things, you might want to address the situation directly and talk about what’s happened to them in the past.
1. She’s slow to trust
Your girl isn’t trying to punish you for someone else’s wrongdoing. She’s with you because she thinks you’re a good person she’s attracted to. The problem is, she doubts herself because this is likely exactly what she thought about the guy who cheated on her, too. You have to let her learn to trust you at her own pace, if you’re true to your word it will happen, just a bit slower than usual.
2. She’ll be quiet about the relationship at the beginning
When you guys get together, she’s not going to shout the relationship from the rooftops. Not this time. She’s gun-shy about whether you’ll stick around or turn out to be a good person, so she’s going to be a little tight-lipped at the beginning. Don’t expect to have any mention of you on her social media until it feels like the real deal.
3. She wants to know what you’re up to
While it’s true that she’s probably memorized all the names of your friends (especially your female friends) because she cares about you and hopes that you’ll share the same social circle one day… there’s a darker force in play. When she knows who your friends are (and that they’re good people) she starts feeling a lot better about the time you spend with them, knowing that you’re not up to anything that’s going to hurt her.
4. She’s sensitive to the attention you give other women
If you put up an Instagram pic with another girl, her world is going to be rocked. While it may be platonic on your end, she’s going to spiral into a non-stop compare-athon with this girl and wonder if there’s more to your friendship. Unless it’s totally clear that she’s only a friend, it’s better for everyone involved if you make it a group photo.
5. She has a strong aversion to the word ‘crazy’
If this is something you need to be told, I don’t know how you locked her down to begin with. But in any case, ‘crazy’ is not something you call someone you care about. Even if she’s being a bit paranoid, her suspicions are founded in a fear she’s not exactly an idiot for having. Remember where she is coming from. If a dog bit you, wouldn’t you be more skeptical of the next dog that came around? That’s not crazy, that’s survival.
6. She’ll overcommunicate
She will treat you like she wants to be treated. Knowing the incredible pain it’s capable of causing, this girl will never cheat on you. She’s also likely to overcommunicate to you about things like what she’s doing, who she’s with, and how she’s not attracted to whatever male friends she’s mentioning. It’s because this is what she craves from you.
7. She’ll engage your intellect
After being hurt, you start to consider what you really value in a partner. Looks and other shallow considerations are going to be pretty far down the list after things like ‘kind’ and ‘reliable’. When you’re getting to know her, don’t be surprised if she digs deeper than you’re used to. She’s interested in your brain and your heart more than anything else.
8. She peeks at your phone
In a perfect world, she never worries about who you’re messaging on your phone or computer. But if you’ve ever been cheated on, you know that nagging paranoia can eat you alive. Wouldn’t you be tempted to assuage those bad feelings with a quick glimpse of your love’s phone? If you’re texting in front of her, don’t be surprised if she glances over to see who you’re talking to.
9. She’ll worry you don’t respect her
In addition to getting your heart completely smashed, being cheated on is an exercise in ongoing humiliation. It’s embarrassing to have someone treat you this way, and admitting it to a new partner isn’t the easiest thing to do. She’ll worry that you think less of her because she has “bad taste” or doesn’t have good intuition.
10. She’s interested in your dating history
When she asks you about who you’ve dated and why those relationships ended, what she’s really searching for is any evidence that you’ve been a cheater in the past. Better to fess up now, if you have, and explain how you’ve changed and why you wouldn’t do it again. She wants to feel secure in your feelings for her, and that if you do decide that you don’t have a future together at some point, you’re going to break it off rather than cheating.
11. She’ll admire you
When you’ve been with someone who has proven themselves to be an utterly shitty person, you’re going to be filled with gratitude to be with an actually great person. Once she trusts you, she’s going to be more affectionate and supportive than ever before. She’ll go out of her way to tell you exactly why she loves being with you.