November 25, 2016

What It’s Like To Be A White Female Dating A Black Male

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Anete Luscina
Anete Luscina

*Disclaimer: This is a reflection of my own personal experience. In no way am I claiming the same experience for all interracial couples*

I grew up learning that the color of someone’s skin was not reflective of their beliefs, behaviors, thoughts, feelings, or emotions. I grew up learning that the color of someone’s skin was not what defined them. I grew up learning that the color of someone’s skin was not something to be bashed, but something to be celebrated.

Unfortunately, in the year 2016, not everyone grew up learning about race and skin color the way I did. Race itself is a social construct, one that puts limits and sets boundaries that were never intended.

The color of someone’s skin in the year 2016 is enough for someone to question an individual…enough for someone to wonder what differences that person may have.

You see, I was a WHITE female dating a BLACK male. I was a WHITE female that was not fearful of the socially constructed stereotype of the BLACK male – the stereotype that would lead someone of my skin color to fear someone of another skin color.

I was the WHITE female who heard people snicker behind her back and discussing how unfortunate it must be to date a thug. I was a WHITE female who watched people clench their bags as a BLACK male walked by.

But the thing is – the questioning and the fearfulness did not always happen behind my back. In fact, more often than not, I had people ask me why I would date outside of my race. I had people ask me how my family felt about dating a BLACK male. I had people ask me if I was scared this man would live up to the stereotype.

Snickers and steers and pure dismissal of any of my white feelings or the black emotions of my male counterpart.

You see – I didn’t see the color of someone’s skin as a reason for dismissal.

So although I may be a white female, please know that I feel empowered to have walked by the side of a black male.

I will always stand with those who are oppressed or judged. I will always knock down the comments made about race or ethnicity or the color of someone’s skin. I will always fight the good fight for those who need the opposing sides to join hands with them.

Because I know what it feels like to be a white female dating a black male. TC mark

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