10 Things You Should Consider When It Comes To Love And Relationships

By Emma McDougall

In this day and age, I’m sure every one of us considers themselves relationship experts. Or at the very least we have a list of do’s and do not’s that we have compiled from a history of dating failures and successes. Here is what I consider 10 of the most important things to keep in mind while playing the relationship game.

“We’re all fools,” said Clemens, “all the time. It’s just we’re a different kind each day. We think, I’m not a fool today. I’ve learned my lesson. I was a fool yesterday but not this morning. Then tomorrow we find out that, yes, we were a fool today too. I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we’re not perfect and live accordingly.” ― Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man

1. Be Yourself.

I know the idea is overkill but honestly we have all been in that position where you stop and think, “Man what the fuck did I just say?” when you realize that you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Trust me, it gets boring and you won’t be able to keep it up for long. You will slip up, and they will realize that you are far from the person you’re pretending to be, and it’s all down hill from there. Plus, if you’re in love with steak then why torture yourself by ordering a veggie burger, yeah feel me?

2. Know yourself.

A lot of us out there looking for love are doing it for the wrong reasons. If you’re looking for someone to “define you”, or to “fix you”, then stop right there. Building a relationship on a foundation of personal issues is a massive mistake. Love can wait, focus on yourself and be confident in who you are before you dive back into the dating pool. Because coming out of a relationship like that will leave you more broken then before, and it will still fall on you to pick up the pieces.

3. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.

Again, over stressed, yet time and time again I see people struggling with their self-loathing other. FACT. No one wants to here how unattractive you think you are or how much you wish you were someone else. You are you, and that’s pretty awesome, and it’s fucking awesome and attractive when you think so too.

4. Know what you want, and don’t settle for less.

Referring back to point 3, you are fucking awesome, and if you ever hear yourself say that you “settled” take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. No one in the world is perfect, but love revolves around the idea that the acceptance of these imperfects is crucial to all strong relationships. HOWEVER, sometimes two people’s imperfections don’t mix well, and that “settling” you did earlier, will come back to bite you in the ass.

5. People cannot be changed.

You are not a Disney princess, you are not Bella Swan, and I promise you, your bad boy will never be you’re prince charming. We spend enough time trying to fix our own problems to worry about anyone else’s. You can put a person in a costume but you can’t make them play the role. It’s a waste of your time and quite frankly it’s unfair to ask someone to change for you. If you didn’t like them at the start then how can you expect to like them at the finish?

6. Looks do matter.

I know it may sound horrible to say, but you need to have that level of physical attraction to your partner. A relationship needs mental and emotional connections, but there still needs to be a health level of physical desire. If there’s no physical aspect to a relationship then what separates a partner from your friends? You need both, or you’re just friend-zoning that poor bastard.

7. Love and Lust are different.

There is no such thing as love at first sight. Unless your significant other is psychic, they were just lusting hardcore. It takes time to love someone, and that off the bat sexual passion is not it. That being said those steamy first dates can be the start to great relationships, but remember that there is no rush to drop that all mighty L-bomb. And dropping it to early can ruin a good thing. HOWEVER, I would also like to stress the dangers of partners who take to long to say it. You can’t rush love, but there is a point where you have to realize that it just isn’t coming. You can’t force yourself to love someone and they can’t force themselves to love you.

8. Sometimes love isn’t enough.

We all grew up with our parent’s cheesy relationship songs about love moving mountains, and even today when Mumford and Sons tells us our love will last forever we want to believe them. Unfortunately, life and love aren’t that simple. Just because you still love them doesn’t mean they aren’t dragging you down. There is so much more to life then holding on to someone who’s holding you back, and life is just too damn short to spend it resenting someone whose keeping you from your full potential. You guys had a great run, but some people just aren’t ready to change course when you are.

9. You’ll never forget that first love.

Again, back to the sappy truth. No one will ever be your first true love. It sounds lame, but that first realization that you care about someone more than you care about your self is pretty huge. I mean, teenagers are selfish assholes, and the fact that you managed to do something like that is pretty big. And who knows maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who fell head over heals and never got back up again. But for the majority of us that did, it was a once in a lifetime experience that is going to feel pretty great to remise on when we’re old and grey. The key is to avoid bitterness. Maybe it ended poorly but you never want that to run it for you. You have to forgive before you can move on because the first love shapes the ones to come. Keep that in mind.

10. What to do about the one that got away.

Although this doesn’t apply to everyone, it’s probably one of the more difficult aspects of dating culture to give advice on. Thinking that you let “the one” get away is a hard situation to be in. And in all truthfulness it’s almost impossible to know if you’ve put yourself there for the right reasons. We all have to admit that sometimes letting go of someone makes you want that person more than you ever have. And although we know deep down that the reason for that desire isn’t a change of outlook, but merely a sense of jealousy or loneliness, we can’t help but feel that false longing. Sometimes though, it goes beyond that, to the point where you genuinely believe that you have made a mistake and you desperately need that person back.

The first thing you can do is fight. Fight for what you want back, be brave enough to admit your mistakes, and hope that things are meant to work out in your favor.

The second thing you can do, and probably the most difficult, is come to the realization that everything happens for a reason and some things just can’t be forgiven. Relationships are not all about you and sometimes people are happier without you. Learn from your mistakes and hope that you don’t make them again.

The last and the most emotionally intensive is the waiting game. Some people aren’t right together right now. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be right in the future. Sometime the best thing that can happen to two people is space to figure out their individual problems before coming back together. Of course this isn’t a normal situation and usually, the space only solidifies the idea that you two shouldn’t be together. And, in the worst cases, it leaves one person emotionally traumatized. But for those who are willing to try, sometimes it really does pay off.

The most important thing I want to stress out of all this is that art of love, dating, and relationships, isn’t a science. These are all important things to keep in mind but even I find myself straying from what I think is best for me. The heart wants what the heart wants, and you are a fool if you think you’re anything but a fool for love. Nonetheless, those ten things to consider may help to add a little bit of rational to the most irrational actions of your life.