Enter some of the worst photographers known to man. Of course, not every random stranger is going to have a natural knack for taking great pictures, but MY GOD. Just the other night at dinner, I asked a man to take my friend and I’s picture. It was dark, so I had purposely turned the flash to “on,” but as we awkwardly stood there smiling, no such flash went off. “I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong?” The man implored. “I just hold down this button…” He had taken about 32 picture bursts. “Oh! Gosh, I should know better. I have this phone.” I can’t.
So, to honor some of the worst picture takers, I give you a small gallery of all the ways strangers have failed at this simple request time and time again.
1. The “Hang On, I’m Not Ready” Picture
I mean, honestly? What is it about someone agreeing to take your picture, and not even giving you a moment’s time to get in position? They’ll claim they just accidentally pressed the button, but really they’re punishing your narcissism.
2. The “Fitting You In The Square” Picture
Unless I specify, please don’t try to one-up my Instagram game by pre-emptively fitting me into the square frame. There are apps for that, and I know you’re trying to save me some photo editing work, but don’t because this is what happens when you try.
3. The “Obviously Incredibly Unattractive Angle” Picture
How can someone think this angle is ever okay? You hand them your phone after they agree to take your picture, yet they remain seated where they are to snap it. I mean, I know it’s annoying AF that I asked, but must you add insult to injury by producing this angle of me?
4. The “Blink”
5. The “Cut-Off” Picture
Cut off my feet to spite my body and add 10 pounds of weight to me, why don’t you? Or worse yet, cut off both the entire top-half of my head and my feet. Good God.
6. The “Clearly Needs A Flash” Picture
This one kills me. When it’s painfully evident how badly the picture needs forward-facing light of some kind, yet the pseudo-photographer either doesn’t see that or thinks it “looks cooler” with no flash. Your artistic opinion counts somewhere, just not here.
7. The “Yeahsureheresyourpicture” Picture
They literally don’t even try. They take your phone, press the button, hand it back, and walk off. They hate you and you, in turn, hate them.
8. The “Could You Get Our Shoes In The Pic?” Picture
Yes, making this request is beyond obnoxious. But, sometimes your shoe game is so on, you can’t not have them in the picture. So when you ask your willing picture-taking participant to be sure to include them in the shot, and they feel the need to back up about 100 feet to fulfill your request… I can’t.
9. The “I Can’t See You In The Frame!” Picture
When the photographer doesn’t understand the simple concept of reverse camera and this happens.