invite him over. get him drunk. compliment his shoes. make him spend the night.

PSYCHE, Y’ALL. i’m not talking about a co-ed sleepover with you and one super lucky man or woman. i’m talking about a same sex, middle school style sleepover… with alcohol.

my girlfriends and i have started an annual tradition: ALL GIRLS SLEEPOVER. this year marks our first anniversary of this brilliant idea. i’m not sure how it came about last year, but it happened at the perfect time – i had just broken up with my 3-year boyfriend and was ready to get shitty with the girls… in my sweatpants… in the comfort of my own home… and sing. and that’s exactly what we did. bitches made mounds of treats, brought endless amounts of alcohol and we ended up sitting in a campfire circle singing Creed songs. it was magical.

this saturday marks our 2nd annual ALL GIRLS SLEEPOVER (you have to capitalize it every time or it doesn’t have the same effect). it’s not EXACTLY to the date, but it’s close enough (sidenote: next week marks my one year anniversay of being single, and the post about it will. be. epic.). this is the kind of event that i think all close-knit groups of girlfriends should have. it’s something different that bonds you further and isn’t about going out to bars or dinners. it’s about sitting around and getting fat together and not judging each other when you wolf down 5 pieces of pizza and 3 cookies. IT’S A FUCKING SLEEPOVER, FOR GOD’S SAKE. and i think we do them right. so, with that, here are my top tips for throwing the perfect ALL GIRLS SLEEPOVER:

tip #1:

plan that shit. look, we’re all adults (that’s why this sleepover will include a lot of alcohol). however, that doesn’t mean most of us don’t still have childlike tendencies, i.e. being late, forgetting plans we made, etc. that’s why i suggest creating a legitimate facebook event for your sleepover AND/OR sending out a lovely email about it to the invitees. i also get raging anal retentive boners from planning, so going about this sort of event in an organized way more or less can take care of any dryspell i’m experiencing at the time. sending an email or invite let’s girls know: a) this is happening. b) they’re invited. c) who else is invited (although you would never invite someone who didn’t get along with someone else). d) what food to bring. e) what alcohol to bring. f) that this is strictly a SWEATPANTS/PAJAMAS ONLY event. any outfit of any other kind will be turned away at the door.

tip #2:

decide on a theme. last year, we really didn’t have one. it was sort of like “EMMA’S NEWLY SINGLE! LET’S GET TOGETHER AND ALL PASS OUT WATCHING BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY!”  and i’m not talking a theme like “hawaiian party” or “risky business.” if you have ever thrown a party like that, please exit out of my blog. i’m appalled. i’m saying like, this year, our theme is “YOUR FAVORITE FOOD TO EAT WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK” and maybe also “BITCHES AIN’T SHIT EXCEPT THEY’RE EVERYTHING.” themes typically make any event better and seem more worth your time. like, for example, instead of a regular ol’ sunday brunch, call it “THE WE SURVIVED THE WEEKEND: MIMOSA SUNDAY BRUNCH” and BOOM. how much more excited are you now?

tip #3:

create a menu. the only thing worse than not having queso on hand is having 2 pots of queso on hand and no pizza (poor example because 2 pots of queso could NEVER be a bad thing, ever). MAKE A LIST OF FOOD. everyone who is coming needs to collaborate and shout-out what they’ll be contributing so there are no essentials missing or repeats happening. it’s also good to make sure you’re not dealing with a dud in the group who’s trying to bring like crackers or veggies with no ranch. that’s some bullsh. oh and be sure to get your (the host) cooking done ahead of time because i guarantee you one or two of your friends will need to use your oven for some reason or another. it happens every time. don’t be a bitch.

tip #4:

BEVVIES. listen. it’s like a party rule that you HAVE to have at least one big ass mix drink in a huge container for everyone and then a hodgepodge of alcohol on the side. it can be sangria, margaritas, some sort of punch that results in you telling half the group you used to hate them and then crying about how you think your feet are ugly. whatever it is, i highly recommend having a communal drink for your sleepover. but be sure wine, vodka, mixers, etc are all provided otherwise you will have held the lamest ALL GIRLS SLEEPOVER ever. full bar, y’all! maybe even create a cocktale menu? OMG. i just got so excited.

tip #5:

make sure games are included. i mean, you most likely won’t end up playing them, but at least they’ll be an option if girls are getting too wasted and need to focus on something to come back down to earth. SCENE IT is one of my favorites, as is cranium and scattergories. apples to apples can be a good time, but sort of gets annoying and is a little TOO subjective for me. really, just stick with scattergories. it’s the best especially when drunk because it’s nearly impossible to think of words that start with A-Z when you can’t feel your fingertips and all you want is more pizza (i love pizza). i don’t even know if we attempted to play games last year because we’re all so interesting and fun that we just wanted to sit around and soak up each other’s awesomeness all night…. but they were THERE and that’s the point.

tip #6:

mariah carey and beyonce on repeat.

tip #7:

accomodate the shit out of your ladies.  be sure everyone has a place to rest their pretty little heads once they’re loaded on three pounds of food and a handle each of liquor. move your coffee table, move your dining room table. do whatever you have to do to make sure people are comfortable, otherwise they’ll never come back. this is coming from the most OCD person in the world – REARRANGE YOUR FURNITURE TO LET BITCHES SLEEP OR YOU WILL LOSE FRIENDS.

tip #8:

don’t give a fuck. ya’ll like… this is YOUR ALL GIRLS SLEEPOVER that you planned. have fun. eat so much you look 5 weeks pregnant. cry. laugh. scream. sing. dance. flash each other (that’s an everyday thing for me though… so…). you’re 20somethings having a GODDAMN sleepover – you’re all ballers and everyone’s jealous. but guess what?

NO LOSERS ALLOWED.

do it.