Thought Catalog
October 20, 2016

If Boys Like You Want Girls Like Me

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 edric
edric

Boys like you and girls like me, see how different we are.

You give your all to every moment, breathing life in and radiating your light and heat. You storm into our lives like the sunshine after a pouring rain that brightens up even our darkest corners. Yet, as the stubborn creature we are, we won’t let you know that. Not yet. Especially not the fact that you have gotten this far and not just anyone is allowed to get this far. We will show you and the world we’re strong and cool and fine though all we do really is try our best to make sure our throbbing wounds won’t be torn open again.

But you keep coming closer and closer and you work your charm on us.

You say the right words and do the right things so effortlessly and consistently that sometimes it makes us wonder whether everything is too good to be true.

Either way, long enough, we start to get used to you and day by day, we find ourselves slowly walking towards you. As we try to resist smiling at your every hello and good night beautiful, the drug you cheekily slipped inside our heart has gradually dissolved into an overwhelming desire to take your hand and forget about caution.

So before we may head into yet another disaster, boys like you better know a few things about girls like me.

Girls like me, we’re not as good at living in the moment as you do. So please be careful with your words because when you look into our eyes and you say you want us, it can be ridiculously hard for us to really understand that you might only mean it in that very moment but not necessarily anything more. We will think it holds true for days and months, and sometimes silly enough, even years to come because well, this time, this far, we want to believe it. Because that’s the way we’re wired to love. When we say we want you now, we have wanted you for a long time and unless some life-changing thing happens we will want you tomorrow and many days after.

See, girls like me, we don’t throw our words around mindlessly or make decisions hastily.

We don’t hold just any hand or kiss just any pair of lips. We don’t let just any guy to take us out and pay for our dinner. And definitely we don’t get with someone just for the sake of it. If we give you a chance, you but not anyone else, we do hope it will turn out the best and will last as long as it could. Not just for one or two weeknights when we’re lonely and bored. Not just to warm our bed or fill any void inside of us. If we want you now, we will want more of you and you can count on our last kiss — we do remember the sweet taste of your lips and the strong grip of your arms, and we miss that.

That being said, at times we might seem to be too sensitive, too reserved, too difficult, covered by too many shells to crack with this devil-may-care attitude like we won’t bat an eye or lose a sweat if you walk away from us. It’s not true. Trust me. Not even remotely true. It’s just the way we’ve been made. By life. By our mistakes. By boys before you. Don’t get us wrong — we’re not ashamed of our past. In fact, we’re proud of it. But certainly, for that past, we had a price to pay and it was indeed the part of us that used to be so carefree and always eager to love. Now, unfortunately, not so much.

Girls like me, with bruises we’ve learned to hide and tears we’ve swallowed inside, we don’t have much choice but to put our guard up. We’re glad, really glad, you’re here with us but you have to understand that before you, “forever” had long lost its meaning and love for us is closer to pain than to happiness. So if we take your hand now, it will come with a lot of risks, with surging anxiety and telling ourselves it’s going to be okay even if you disappear like a ghost tomorrow. Though, honestly, we don’t know how to be okay yet. We’re terrified. And that’s why we need to be sure this is going to be worth it.

Girls like me, it’s true we have been through all sorts of crazy and horrible stuff. However, we don’t need you to fix us or save us because it would mean you see us as damaged or broken. Maybe deep down we really are but we hope you see something more in us. We hope you will do right by us and even when we’re both hurt for any reason, you will work with us and not give up on what we have at the first sight of problems.

It surely will take time, probably a lot of time, before we feel safe enough to let you come inside.

But we promise it won’t be just you trying to break our wall while we pull a cold face and shut you out. No. We will put our best effort into making room for you and likewise, we will be patient till you open up to us about your scars and what once saddened your days. And that’s right. We know you have been hurt before us. We didn’t miss that in your eyes. Not even for a heartbeat.

Boys like you and girls like me, we pass by each other everyday — in middle of the city and queue to our morning coffee, in crazy traffic and at lazy hours, after first loves and before lonely night mistakes. And once in a while some of us are able to catch each other and like a wonder, our hearts beat in sync and our bodies whisper welcome the second we touch.

So if we’re one of the lucky few, if you feel me not just on the skin but also in the soul, hey, I’m willing to give this a chance and I hope you are too. Let’s not be afraid and stick around for a little bit longer. Because who knows, right, if this is the best decision we’ve ever made. Because no matter what happens after this, at least, for now, for however long we have our fingers intertwined, boys like you and girls like me, we aren’t alone. We see some real life magic. TC mark

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