In the era of Tinder and hook-up culture, it can be hard for any of you unicorns looking for love and serious relationships to navigate without getting your dreams and hopes shattered. Dating is no longer simply a way to find out whether two people are suitable for a relationship. No. It’s a battle field out there.
Ok, does this sound familiar? After a great first date and butterfly in your stomach, you receive a text at 10 pm 3 days later asking “Sup, wanna come over?” After several great dates, plus mind-blowing sex, you just never hear from the guy again, like he’s off the planet Earth? After MONTHS of great dates and mind-blowing sex you totally think it’s a relationship but as soon as you bring up the talk, things fizzle out into nothingness? Yeah, ask any woman.
In an effort to help us all protect our hearts here are six dating red flags to take seriously the next time you find yourself with someone you don’t actually know if you’re dating or not.
He says he’s not ready.
He said it, you heard it. Not ready for a relationship = not ready for a relationship with you. It’s all the same. Save your time and dignity and sanity and move on to someone who is looking for the same thing as you are. And no, no. Don’t stick around thinking he’s going to change his mind once he spends enough time with you and realizes how amazing a creature you are. That’s literally never going to happen.
He tells you he’s a shitty person.
When someone tells you they’re a piece of shit, don’t assume they’re just using self-deprecating humor. He knows himself well and he’s made it clear to you. Believe him at his word, and while we’re at it, run and never look back.
He doesn’t contact you within 3-5 days after the first date.
When a guy really wants you, you’ll see his A game, not half-hearted attention and effort. He will want to make sure you’re interested and secure the second date with you as soon as possible, you hot stuff. Meanwhile, if the guy is not feeling it or not looking for a relationship, he will be in no rush to talk to you after the first date. Sure, he might have had a good time with you; He might sound super enthusiastic if you contact him. But his absence has said it – he doesn’t worry you might lose interest in him; He doesn’t mind if he will not see you again. Well, what can I say? I know you want more and you certainly can get more.
He prefers drinks over dinner and only suggests locations near his place.
If a dude does this, most likely he doesn’t want to invest in you and the relationship with you and just tries to keep it as casual as possible with drinks and happy banter. Plus, drinks near his place means it takes little to none effort to see you and there’s a chance he’ll get laid after enough alcohol — perfect set-up for him. Especially if this goes on for 2-3 dates, either he is an alcoholic or he actually doesn’t have “dating” in mind at all when it comes to the two of you.
His communication is either sporadic or always happens after 10 p.m. (and he’s not working late night shift).
Miscommunication is probably the top reason why relationships fail so you should definitely talk to your guy about his texting/calling style in case you might misread the sign. Anyway, if he seems like an average dude with a smart phone and all sorts of social media accounts AND doesn’t contact you first ever, doesn’t talk to you during the day, doesn’t initiate plans, doesn’t establish some sort of consistency to make sure he’s on your radar, or says he’s a bad texter but is online every 2 minutes, he’s probably not that into you and actually seeing someone else and you better move on.
He avoids meeting up on the weekend (and he’s not working on the weekend).
Again, if you’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and realize no date has happened on the weekend, only late evenings after work through to early mornings rushing out of his place, I have some bad news for you. Possibilities include: He’s keeping things casual and has no intention of integrating you into his life; He has no time for a real relationship considering his free time at weekends is already used up for something God knows what; He has a main chick he’s seeing on the weekend; or he’s actually married and that main chick is his wife. Either way, well, GTFO.
He isn’t curious about you and doesn’t tell you anything real about himself.
This is probably the clearest sign of genuine interest. When someone is into you, they can’t get enough of getting to know you and they want you to know them too. They ask questions, they listen to you, they open up about themselves, they share things that actually mean something to them and they even remember little things you mention here and there. If your conversation with your dude only stays on superficial level, or it seems to get deep but you realize it’s all you talking and you know nothing of substance about him, chances are he has no real interest in you or a relationship with you.