Hey “Nice Guy,” Here’s 10 Signs You’re Not Actually A Good Guy

1. A “Nice Guy” approaches dating as if it is a game with rules and guidelines, and surefire hacks and cheats designed in order to “win” the game. A good guy understands that the only similarities between dating and games is that you’re supposed to have fun during both, and that the only real rule is simply to be a decent person.

2. A “Nice Guy” expects and feels entitled to reciprocity, and does not consider it his fault when he does not get what he wants. A good guy understands that whatever your desires, disappointment is a very real risk, and he knows how to bounce back accordingly without lashing out onto the person who was in no way obligated to give him what he wanted just because he wanted it.

3. A “Nice Guy” never thinks his actions were the cause of an unfavorable outcome and will lash out against the person who rejected his advances, claiming that they were the ones who did something wrong. A good guy understands that relationships at any level are a two-way street, and if someone decides she’d rather not be with him, he can objectively look back and reason out why without animosity.

4. A “Nice Guy” will say and do all the right things if he thinks that becoming your friend first will get him into your bed or in your good graces. A good guy understands that friendship is all the motivation you should need to help out another person.

5. A “Nice Guy” immediately spurns anyone he thinks is “using him.” A good guy knows how to stand up for himself if he feels undervalued, but knows that the best course of action is admitting to these feelings to see if there’s a way to fix that first. After all, it could just be blind selfishness, and a person who cares about a good guy will be willing to change so that he feels valued and sticks around.

6. A “Nice Guy” lives in fear and loathing of the ‘Friendzone.’ A good guy knows that is a false construct, and that there is nothing wrong with being friends.

7. A “Nice Guy” thinks it is his duty to be the Knight in Shining Armor, protect your honor, wage your battles, and solve every one of your problems at every turn. A good guy respects that you can fight your own battles, but will be there to support you and back you up should you ask for help. (At the very least, he will show his support to you, if not to whatever draconian problem you’re facing.)

8. A “Nice Guy” will only be nice as long as it entails that he gets what he wants. A good guy understands that not everyone can be nice or even good absolutely all of the time, but that you ought to try to be a decent human being for the sake of being a decent human being — no external motivators necessary.

9. A “Nice Guy” is quick to label his exes and place them in neat boxes — most often negative. He is also quick to put them down to other people so as to appear above them or better than them. A good guy learns how to forgive and let live.

10. A “Nice Guy” is quick to label himself as just that; and whether that is putting it out there in the universe, Manifesting the Secret so that he actually becomes one, or a strange belief that just because you say something makes it so, he’s not quick to put in the actual work to be a man of quality. A good guy does not call himself that, but rather has the moniker bestowed upon him by people who recognize his goodness — and even still, he knows that labels only get you so far, and that you have to do the work to live up to a name.